Funny!

Someone sent me this in my email this morning. I'm sorry I don't have a link, but I thought it was pretty funny and that Beatlelinks members would enjoy it.

Happy giggling!

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Sir Paul's Playbook
By TIM CARVELL

Published: February 3, 2005


This year's halftime entertainment will be provided by Paul McCartney, who will entertain for the entire 12 minutes and whose every word and move will be vetted and reviewed by the league.

- The Associated Press, Feb. 1

To: Paul McCartney

From: The N.F.L.

Re: Super Bowl halftime show


THANK you for coming by this morning; my wife was very impressed to hear that I got to meet a former Beatle, especially one who isn't Ringo. She wanted me to ask if you remember her. She saw you at the Milwaukee Arena in 1964. She says she screamed "Paul!" throughout your show, and that you looked over and winked at her. She was wearing a red hat. Anyway, if you do remember her: She says hi.

Moving on. We've reviewed your set list and dance routine, and we have just a few notes:

We like the simple shirt and slacks that you have chosen as your outfit. However, to prevent even the slightest possibility of a "wardrobe malfunction," we were wondering if you could maybe wear something extra over your outfit? Or maybe under it? Like an extra pair of underpants over your usual underpants? Or maybe a sweater, and a second pair of pants over your original pair of pants? Nothing too noticeable - just a little insurance. I'm sure you understand.

"Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da": Is there something you can say after "life goes on" that's not "bra"? The word still makes us a little nervous around here. Thanks.

"Blackbird": "Take these broken wings and learn to fly"? It's a lovely image, Paul, but: Children are going to be watching this. No parent wants to have to explain injured birds to their children, especially not on Super Sunday. Can you sing around it so the bird's wings aren't broken? Maybe the bird could take its "bucket o' wings" and learn to fly? KFC may pay for the product placement. Just a thought.

"I Saw Her Standing There": "Well, she was just 17, you know what I mean"? I am fairly certain that I do not know what you mean, but I do know that she'd better be at least 18. Make that 21. Or 25. She was just 25. That works fine.

Sorry to circle back to this, but we've been thinking more about your outfit. Maybe you could wear both the extra underpants and the sweater and extra pants? You know, just to be safe? Also: Some of us are a bit worried about the hip motions while you're dancing. They seem a tad suggestive. Could you maybe dance without moving your hips? Or your feet? You may, of course, continue to use your arms.

"A Hard Day's Night": We're a bit concerned about the line about how, when "I get home to you, I'll find the things that you do, will make me feel all right." That is upsettingly vague, like the things that she does might be rated, you know, more than PG. Maybe you could sub in something more specific and G-rated, like: "But when I get home to you, I find the board games we play will make me feel all right." It's the same general idea, I think you'll find.

"A Day in the Life": "He blew his mind out in his car"? No, Paul. No, he didn't.

"Get Back": So let's see: Our hero, Jojo, "left his home in Tucson, Arizona, for some California grass," and our heroine, Loretta Martin, "thought she was a woman, but she was another man." And here I thought Ringo was the funny one! You really had us going for a minute there! (Um, if you weren't joking: No.)

Just got back from a meeting with wardrobe, and they want me to ask: How would you feel about a suit of armor? As I understand it, you've been knighted, so you probably have one lying around, yes? If not, we can provide one for you. Just ask!

Well, that's all we've got for now. If anything else comes to us, we'll let you know. Can't wait for the big show! Rock 'n' roll!

I think I've gotten at least FOUR e-mails with this in it over the last few days. It's pretty cute though.

I hadn´t seen that one before. Good one!

thanks Susan, that was pretty funny...

that is the funniest thing I've read all day. Thanks Susan!

lol! That first bit, about the dude's wife reminds me of a SNL transcript (I think) with Paul Simon lol.

Thank you for posting this!
I'm always up for a good larf, and this most certainly was one.

It's only funny if it's a joke. If the writer is serious, blah...

Tiff Lennon

I am CRYING! This is just TOO funny! That bucket o' wings really had me laughing my head off! As for serving as Paul's fashion consultant, I don't think this man has the experience or the background in that department. Funny ideas, like the jailbait image of "I Saw Her Standing There." And that blackbird's wings...I'm STILL

As for Paul in a Suit of Armor - I've heard of Tin Pan Alley, not Tin Can Alley!

Thanks for the laughs, Susan. I needed a good laugh and this is truly hilarious! Paul and that bit about "A Hard Day's Night" - I'm surprised the guy didn't latch onto the word hard. Good grief, we can have some fun with this one!

[ QUOTE ]
BeatlesScruff Posted:
It's only funny if it's a joke. If the writer is serious, blah...

Tiff Lennon

[/ QUOTE ]

It's a joke, Tiff. Come on, how could anyone think this was serious, it's CLEARLY tongue-in-cheek. I'd think a John girl such as yourself would recognize sarcasm when she saw it!

BTW, it came from the NY Times, I didn't know that until just a little while ago.

[ QUOTE ]
HMVNipper Posted:
[ QUOTE ]
BeatlesScruff Posted:
It's only funny if it's a joke. If the writer is serious, blah...

Tiff Lennon

[/ QUOTE ]

It's a joke, Tiff. Come on, how could anyone think this was serious, it's CLEARLY tongue-in-cheek. I'd think a John girl such as yourself would recognize sarcasm when she saw it!

BTW, it came from the NY Times, I didn't know that until just a little while ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess I am a little too serious sometimes. I do not think the meat one is funny coz I am a Vegetarian myself. It's funny as a joke. So it's not serious, That's good.

Why I thought it was serious, it was an actual article in the NY times.

Tiff Lennon

Funny! thanks!
but you know what's kind of sad? even though this is exagerative, some people probably would honestly complain about some of those lyrics being suggestive and innapropriate.

Here's an article that shows that unfortunately this piece my not that far off apparently:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/04/sp...ball/04tv.html


and another tongue-in-cheeker, "Letter to the FCC"
http://www.azcentral.com/ent/pop/art...0204loser.html
"I really thought we'd be safe this year with Sir Paul McCartney...Yet my family and I and millions of Americans were mortified that out of the literally hundreds of Beatles songs at his disposal, McCartney would choose to sing "Why Don't We Do it in the Road?" My children were at first stunned by this unwarranted boogie and later grew downright mean-spirited and inquisitive. I was mortified that I could not answer their questions of what kinds of things a 62-year-old billionaire might be up to if no one was monitoring him and his companion at an unpopulated intersection. Certainly not looking for land mines. And given that this was the first Super Bowl broadcast in high definition, the least Sir Paul could've done for the children is hide the doobie atop his piano."

i especially love the "...certainly not looking for land mines"! hehe

That was amaaaaaazing! My favorites were the armor, she was just 25, and the board games. This humor sounded EXACTLY like how my best friend talks, so it was doubly funny.

hehe thats funny

[ QUOTE ]
BeatlesScruff Posted:
[ QUOTE ]
HMVNipper Posted:
[ QUOTE ]
BeatlesScruff Posted:
It's only funny if it's a joke. If the writer is serious, blah...

Tiff Lennon

[/ QUOTE ]

It's a joke, Tiff. Come on, how could anyone think this was serious, it's CLEARLY tongue-in-cheek. I'd think a John girl such as yourself would recognize sarcasm when she saw it!

BTW, it came from the NY Times, I didn't know that until just a little while ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess I am a little too serious sometimes. I do not think the meat one is funny coz I am a Vegetarian myself. It's funny as a joke. So it's not serious, That's good.

Why I thought it was serious, it was an actual article in the NY times.

Tiff Lennon

[/ QUOTE ]

It wasn't an ARTICLE, Tiff, it was an op-ed piece by a columnist. There's a difference. Articles report facts, op-ed pieces are opinions of the columnists and frequently contain humor. Someone like Dave Barry, for instance, is a columnist whose writings ARE his humor. Just because it comes from a newspaper, even one that can be as staid as the Times, does not mean it's an "article" and therefore serious.

Just thought I should explain the difference between "news" and "op-ed."

[ QUOTE ]
HariScruff_00 Posted:
"I really thought we'd be safe this year with Sir Paul McCartney...Yet my family and I and millions of Americans were mortified that out of the literally hundreds of Beatles songs at his disposal, McCartney would choose to sing "Why Don't We Do it in the Road?"

[/ QUOTE ]

That's also funny, Hari Scruff! (The stuff that was NOT a joke wasn't funny, though...sigh...) This particularly made me laugh because when I saw/heard Paul do his poetry reading a few years back at the 92nd Street Y, he chose "Why Don't We Do It In The Road" as one of the "poems" to be read aloud...and made it an audience participation thing. He said he wanted us all to "scream the words like a mad Russian poet!" It was the funniest thing -- all these people literally screaming "Why don't we do it in the road, why don't we do it in the road, no one will be watching us, why don't we do it in the road?!?" Half the audience was NOT really Beatle people -- it was little old Upper East Side "ladies who lunch" who have subscription tickets to Y events, and my friend and I were sitting behind a pair of these little blue-haired ladies who were CLEARLY mystefied as to who this man on stage was, and why everyone was screaming such silly words!

"Why Don't We Do it in the Road" - screamed as if Paul were a mad Russian poet - that would have been something!

[ QUOTE ]
beatlebangs1964 Posted:
"Why Don't We Do it in the Road" - screamed as if Paul were a mad Russian poet - that would have been something!

[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, yes that would be something. I wish I'd have been there. I could of screamed "Why Don't We Do it in the Road" like a mad Russian poet.

Anyway, thanks for the humor Susan. I especially loved the suit of armor thingy. Hey, John had a suit of armor, maybe Paul's looks like that one? You know, twinsy suits of armor.

Thanks for posting that joke! I wonder if Paul's actually seen it!

[ QUOTE ]
LovinLennon909 Posted:
Hey, John had a suit of armor, maybe Paul's looks like that one? You know, twinsy suits of armor.

[/ QUOTE ]

That would work too sence Paul was knighted a few years back!