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Old Jun 12, 2001, 12:00 AM   #1
Jerry
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Default A Few Clean Laughs Part II

Sorry, but it looks like the first page of this topic is gone. Pages 2 through 4 are here, but please don't reply to them!
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/Forum.../000072-2.html http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/Forum.../000072-3.html http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/Forum.../000072-4.html

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Old Jun 12, 2001, 09:22 AM   #2
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

First joke-

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum that it could be done.

Get it?

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This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number forty-nine on the USA album charts. "Wingspan: Hits and History" by Paul McCartney is at number fifteen.
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Old Jun 12, 2001, 09:10 PM   #4
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

I got it. Sorry to admit it, but I got it.

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Old Jun 12, 2001, 09:12 PM   #6
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

My wife seems to be losing her sense of humor for no apparent reason.

Why just the other day, she got mad when she announced that she was going to the beauty parlor.

I asked, "Are you going in for an estimate or are you going to get the work done?"

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Old Jun 12, 2001, 09:12 PM   #7
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O'Brian was called for his question session.

"Property holder?"

"Yes, I am, Your Honor."

"Married or single?"

"Married for twenty years, Your Honor."

"Formed or expressed an opinion?"

"Not in twenty years, Your Honor."

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Old Jun 12, 2001, 09:14 PM   #8
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By 4thGenFan:
So it really is supposed to make sense?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ever hear of the term "Roadkill"?

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Old Jun 12, 2001, 09:16 PM   #10
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By bearkat77:
Ever hear of the term "Roadkill"?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Yeah, but...Ok, I think his joke was just stupid then, not so much incomprehensible.


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Old Jun 12, 2001, 09:51 PM   #11
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Old Jun 13, 2001, 08:11 AM   #12
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By 4thGenFan:

Yeah, but...Ok, I think his joke was just stupid then, not so much incomprehensible.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Incom- what?


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This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number forty-nine on the USA album charts. "Wingspan: Hits and History" by Paul McCartney is at number fifteen.
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Old Jun 13, 2001, 08:12 AM   #13
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By bearkat77:
My wife seems to be losing her sense of humor for no apparent reason.

Why just the other day, she got mad when she announced that she was going to the beauty parlor.

I asked, "Are you going in for an estimate or are you going to get the work done?"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

losing her sense of humor? Oh no! The irony! The humanity!




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This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number forty-nine on the USA album charts. "Wingspan: Hits and History" by Paul McCartney is at number fifteen.
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Old Jun 13, 2001, 01:13 PM   #14
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By mindgames:
Incom- what?


<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just nod your head and smile like you usually do.



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Old Jun 13, 2001, 03:57 PM   #15
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

Picture this smilie nodding.

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This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number forty-nine on the USA album charts. "Wingspan: Hits and History" by Paul McCartney is at number fifteen.
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Old Jun 13, 2001, 10:52 PM   #16
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

HOW MANY STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB AT.......

Vanderbilt: Two--one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay the bill

Princeton: Two--one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician

Brown: Eleven--one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience

Dartmouth: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity

Cornell: Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure

Penn: Only one, but he gets six credits for it

Columbia: Seventy-six-- one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest

Yale: None--New Haven looks better in the dark

Harvard: One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

MIT: Five--one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch

Vassar: Eleven--one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation

Middlebury: Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion

Stanford: One, dude

Oberlin: Three--one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one

Georgetown: Four--one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students

Duke: A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket

Williams: The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do

Tufts: Two--one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student

University of New Hampshire, Durham: Four--one to walk to the general store and have them order a lightbulb from Concord, one to pick it up in 6-8 weeks, one to screw it in, and one to go to his class and sleep for him while he is doing it

Sarah Lawrence: Five--one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it

Swarthmore: Eight--it's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress

Boston University: Three--one to change the bulb and two to check his math homework

Wesleyan: Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know,military-industrial complex and all that

Connecticut College: Two--one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the light bulb wouldn't go out

Virginia: Thirteen--Ten to form student committee to vote on whether changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the bulb, one to hold the keg the he's standing on, and another to attribute electricity to Mr.Jefferson.

Bowdoin: Three--one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb,one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in

Boston College: Seven--one to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time

Santa Clara University: One--but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford gets press for changing their lightbulbs

West Virginia University: Light bulb? Whats a light bulb....? We don't have those in West Virginia. We use coal oil lamps.

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Old Jun 13, 2001, 10:53 PM   #17
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from sports to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and...'"

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Old Jun 14, 2001, 08:03 AM   #18
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

"The mathematical probability of a common cat doing
exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute
in the world." - Lynn M. Osband-


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Old Jun 14, 2001, 08:33 AM   #19
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

DAFFY DEFINITIONS........

Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone
serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section.
(Didn't think the Three Stooges were this classy, huh?)

Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid,
such as your septic tank.
(We had one that stayed drunk all the time on the yeast!!)

Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness.

Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans, and tofu.

Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.

Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper;

Hindprint: indentation made by a couch potato.

Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool.


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Old Jun 14, 2001, 08:37 AM   #20
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Default Re: A Few Clean Laughs Part II

THE MIGHT OF WRIGHT........

Steven Wrightisms are becoming very popular. He is very witty
and gets right to the point!!

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you
have the pen!

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the
money go?

Why is it, 'A penny for your thoughts,' but, you have to
'put your two cents' in? Somebody's making a penny."

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you
wave a fan club?

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't
know what to feed it.


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Our Lady's Psalter
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Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr

[This Message Has Been Edited By SleepyHead On June 14, 2001 09:59 PM]
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