Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic???
The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam.
The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law
that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go
to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the
rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant,
the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at
a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman
year, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,”
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and
has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting
“Oh my God.”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY