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Old Aug 14, 2002, 09:42 AM   #1
Wild Honey Pie
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Join Date: Jun 27, 2002
Location: New Milford, N.J. United States
Posts: 553
Default Funny Signs

In a New York restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In an appliance store window:
Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work.

In a clothing store:
Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks

In the window of a general store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here?

In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends

On a radiator repair garage:
Best place to take a leak

On a Tennessee highway:
Take notice, when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

In front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily, except Thursday.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Outside a jeweller's shop:
Ears pierced while you wait

Sign in a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

In a dress shop window:
Don't stand outside and faint-- come in and have a fit.

Sign in a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs

In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back
or further steps will be taken.

In the window of a dry cleaner's:
Same day dry cleaning-- all garments ready in 48 hours

Sign in a German cafe:
Mothers, please wash your hans before eating.

Outside a secondhand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being
opened. Open Tomorrow

Outside a photographer's studio:
Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also.

Seen outside a travel agency:
Why don't you go away?

Notice in a pet shop:
Birds going cheep!

Outside a disco:
Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

Sign in a picture shop:
Let us put you in the picture and frame you.

In an electrical shop:
Why smash your plates washing up? Let one of our dishwasher do it for you.

Sign at a garden fete:
Baby show. All entries to be handed in at the gate.

In a cafe window:
Waitresses required for breakfast.

Found in a butcher's shop:
These scales are accurate. No two weighs about it.

Seen in an American department store at Christmas:
Visit Santa's grotto. No waiting - we're the only store in New York with three Santas.

Sign on a newly painted bench:
Wet paint. Watch it or wear it.

Seen in a watch shop:
Please wait patiently to be served. I only have two hands.

Notice in the window of a fabric shop:
Repairs and alterations done here. Dying arranged.

Sign outside pet shop:
No Dogs Allowed.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of

Notice on Norfolk village shop:
Half-day closing all day Wednesday

Sign in London pizza parlour:
Open 24 hours - except 2 a.m. - 8 a.m.

Seen outside dancing academy:
Please mind the steps

Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car.

Sign outside a church in Hemel Hempstead:
The Last World War. Where and when will it be fought? St. Margaret's,
Hartford Street on Tuesday 22nd of February at 7:00 p.m.

Spotted in a golf club:
Golfers, please do not drink and drive

Notice in hairdresser's window:
Stylist wanted, good pay and fringe benefits

Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

Sign at the tennis club:
Would spectators please be quiet during matches and let the players raise a racquet

Sign on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work

Sign in office block:
Lift out of order. Please use elevator.

Traffic sign:
Parking restricted to 60 minutes in any hour.

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left.

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.

In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs.

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!

On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- ears pierced

Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.

In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

On the grounds of a public school:
No trespassing without permission.

Sign at a college bookstore:
Accepted by more colleges than you were--VISA!

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

Man On Train: I shall call the guard.
Paul: Ah, but what? They don't take kindly to insults you know.
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Old Aug 14, 2002, 12:09 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 23, 2001
Posts: 37,560

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Default Re: Funny Signs

I saw this one in Cape Breton, Canada.


Then we will remember things we said today. Yeah.
-- Beatles, 1964

Read for high caliber Beatles fan fiction.

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Old Aug 14, 2002, 02:00 PM   #3
L'Angelo Misterioso
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Join Date: Jan 11, 2002
Location: Turku, Finland
Posts: 2,114
Default Re: Funny Signs

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By backtotheegg:
Sign on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work

Past is gone, thou canst not that recall
Future is not, may not be at all
Present is, improve the flying hour
Present only is within thy power.
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Old Aug 14, 2002, 06:09 PM   #4
Sun King
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Default Re: Funny Signs

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By beatlebangs1964:
I saw this one in Cape Breton, Canada.



LOL! ROFL! That's hilarious!

"They all look the same in their similitude and language."

"My skin's soaked right through to the skin!"
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Old Aug 15, 2002, 08:06 AM   #5
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Location: Johnson City, TN USA
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Default Post deleted by Jerry

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Old Aug 15, 2002, 02:14 PM   #6
Sgt. Pepper
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Join Date: Jul 10, 2000
Location: Possum Lodge
Posts: 4,926
Default Re: Funny Signs

For some funny signs(pics pof them) go to


Tim Brent's Yellow Submarine Page
The Beatles' Record Advertisements
The Beatles' Record Covers Yahoo! Club
The Beatles Video Theatre
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Old Aug 15, 2002, 02:50 PM   #7
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Join Date: Dec 07, 2001
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,495
Default Re: Funny Signs

Those are a scream. I especially liked the cows on grass one.
Two blocks down from where I live is a t.v. sales and service store and out front is a sign that says;
"Service done by a qualified Japanese technician".
Now what has his ethnic origin have to do with his qualifications? That has got me totally baffled.
It is kind of funny though if you think about it.

Please check out my site at Beatle_4's Beatles Pages
lots of fun things plus a Beatles Community Forum with a chat-room for each topic.
My other site is Web Canada Directory For all things Canadian and now with free e-mail and my own webcam. Yes you get to see my ugly mug.
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