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Old Aug 18, 2006, 12:47 AM   #1
MaccaTwst9
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Default Not Now, Not Later

I've been sort of down recently and under alot of stress.
The place of where I reside, isn't the best place to live at.
They promised so much for people with disabilitys and we have yet to see those promises. We live in a hell hole.. trash & other odds n ends lay on the ground. Yes we do pick it up, but some of the residents, have physical disabilitys and the others have limations. And the maintenance team that was set up? .. what maintenance?

Not to mention one of my friends commited suicide not to long ago,
and had planned on killing three more, but didn't succeed, so what does he do? he takes his own life. And what's even more sad, is that his father had died a month prior to him killing himself.

So.. through everything, I wrote a little poem, or whatever their called.

Not Now, Not Later

I can't deal with it anymore.. i'm breaking down.
Thoughts of suicide.. still linger, but I am strong.
I refuse to end up in a wooden box, with loved ones crying around me.
Thoughts through space, still beckon
I see the light.
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Old Aug 18, 2006, 02:40 AM   #2
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Sorry about the loss of your friend and for the stress you are going through, Liz.
Stay strong!!!!
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Old Aug 18, 2006, 05:04 PM   #3
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I'm so sorry, Liz, you feel the way you do and seriously sad thoughts are at your heels. I understand how you can feel that way; it's so hard when someone you love and care about commits suicide. Sometimes it can feel like the solution, but there are better ones.

As your poem says (it is a beautiful poem), you would leave behind a lot of people feeling so sad... and you are such a kind hearted person you would not want that. Still, you have to honor that within which is deeply sad over the loss of your friend and your also your living situation... writing poetry, journaling, painting, all these creative things and more...are excellent ways to honor the dark side of feelings life can bring.

I think many of George's songs reflect a sadness he experienced at times. I think deeply reflective people can be more prone to this? So, thinking deeply can be a mixed blessing.

Are you a member at MySpace? There are heaps of support groups for depression and related topics... also wellness topics (how to get well/stay well in all kinds of ways). They may even have a group for others with your type of disability~ people who would just know exactly how you may feel about things? I've found some authentically sweet and supportive people there. I think others going through like things more helpful than a therapist or something... someone who asks to be paid to care means not so much, imo (that's just my feeling..).

Thank you for sharing your poem. It is very very well written.

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
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Old Aug 18, 2006, 05:20 PM   #4
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There's always some one who cares---be open to them. For what it's worth, one time when I was in a difficulty, I mentioned it on this Beatle forum site and a few people responded with warmth and concern. I was touched that people I didn't even know showed that kind of consideration for their fellow human being; it really made me feel better. This Fab fan hopes things get better for you...
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Old Aug 18, 2006, 08:26 PM   #5
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Dear Liz, you took the right step with your post, I am so sorry things are so rough for you right now, I bet your experiences will make you a much stronger person, it takes a strong person to reach out..
Lovely poem too!
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Old Aug 18, 2006, 08:49 PM   #6
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Hari's Chick,

I propose a toast to your post! Liz, Hari's Chick is right. As terrible as the things you outlined are, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will step back now and let George speak for us.

"You don't realize how much we need you/love you all the time and never leave you."

See, George had the right words for just about any occasion. George was, I believe a very profound man and a deep thinker. He was intense. That's why his music is so powerful and uplifting and bittersweet and everything in between. You do have to acknowledge how you feel as you have so you can move past this. Instead of singing 'I'm Down" which I never cared much for, you hopefully will be singing "I Feel Fine", "Here Comes the Sun" and "Good Day Sunshine!"
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Old Apr 11, 2008, 03:16 PM   #7
MaccaTwst9
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Hey guys!
I'm sorry its been so long since i've been here.
I've been dealing with ALOT of things.
And I can finally say that things are totally under control!
*happy dance!*

Thank you ALL for being there!
LOVES my Beatle Family *huggles*
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Old Apr 12, 2008, 04:35 AM   #8
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Hey Stranger! Nice to see you again and good to hear that things are going well for you!
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Old Apr 12, 2008, 08:19 AM   #9
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Welcome back Liz
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Old Apr 12, 2008, 08:24 AM   #10
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It's wonderful to know all is well, Liz!!!
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Old Apr 12, 2008, 03:33 PM   #11
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I didn't want to send my Hey, Bulldog to bring you back! You don't want to mess with that bulldog. She's pregnant and mercurial, but seriously, she's all bark and no bite.

Glad to have you back where you belong. Now come join us over at the Palace for some tea and light refreshments with George and talk George with us.
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If I seem to act unkind, it's only me, it's not my mind. -- George Harrison, 1966

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Old Apr 12, 2008, 04:08 PM   #12
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Welcome back.
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Old Apr 28, 2008, 12:07 PM   #13
MaccaTwst9
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Thank yah's! .. ok BB64 I'm on my way!
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