A bit of a Spiritual Problem, but I didn't know where else to go

[Scouser]

I figured if anyone could help me out with this kind of stuff, it would be George fans. Just let me know if this post doesn't belong here, I just thought you guys could give some advice or words of wisdom or whatnot...

anyhoo

I don't profess to be anything in particular, although my beliefs are pretty much a hybrid of Buddhist and Hindu. But I've been having this dreadful feeling lately that I don't know how to shake.

And I didn't know where else to go with this.

Have you ever been to a party or something, and all you can think is "What am I doing here, I don't belong here, when do I get to leave, how much longer does this have to go on?"
I feel this way about life.

I'm not really attached to much here out in MaterialLand, because all I can think about is the other side. As George wrote:
"I really want to see you
Really want to be with you
Really want to see you lord
But it takes so long, my lord"

It just feels like i'm going to be stranded out here in this wasteland, seeing the illusion instead of the pure image.

As you can imagine, this is giving me quite a deal of trouble because it's made me severely depressed that I'll always be on this side here, not really connecting with God.

And it just makes me think...you know...whats the point? I'm not actively considering suicide or anything, but life loses it's enthusiasim when you make the realization that nothing here is truly permanent. There's so much pain and suffering and heartbreak out here in the world and it makes me ready to go. Like I've got my bags packed and I'm just waiting for the flight to board.


And I'm only 18, it's so early in life to lose interest in life Itself.
anyways, there's my dilema.

~Layla

[FPSHOT]

First of all, I am sorry that you feel this way. Yes, I know the feeling about parties.

It seems to me that you need a positive goal or a positive change in life to make you have both feet on the ground again.

Yes, there is a lot of sadness in life and in today's world, so when you keep focussing on that, it may look like "what is there to look forward to?"

Well, that is really up to you.

I have had some severe sadness in my life the past years and I can choose to think about that the entire day, but I can also choose to look ahead and see the beauty of certain things in the world and in life. It is a choise to make.

Yes George wrote in the early 70's about wanting to see God and how long it took, but in a way you can see God around you every day via the creations he made. Simple things like nature can put a smile on your face and see what George did. He also lived life in a very spiritual and satisfying way I think. Enjoying the beauty of the world and the good company of loved ones.

What I am saying is; you can create your own sadness, and can think indeed that nothing is permanent because that is so, however you can also enjoy temporary things which lighten your life if you let it.

Here are some words from Paramahansa Yogananda which may be nice to read especially the last one about changing your thoughts. I carry that one with me every day. It comes from the SRF site which you may want to have a look at. It is where George found a lot of strength and wisdom from as well.

http://www.yogananda-srf.org/writings/paramahansa.html





If you have given up hope of ever being happy, cheer up. Never lose hope. Your soul, being a reflection of the ever joyous Spirit, is, in essence, happiness itself.


Happiness depends to some extent upon external conditions, but chiefly upon mental attitudes.



Essentially, conditions are neither good nor bad; they are always neutral, seeming to be either depressing or encouraging because of the sad or bright attitude of the mind of the individual concerned with them.



Change your thoughts if you wish to change your circumstances. Since you alone are responsible for your thoughts, only you can change them. You will want to change them when you realize that each thought creates according to its own nature. Remember that the law works at all times and that you are always demonstrating according to the kind of thoughts you habitually entertain. Therefore, start now to think only those thoughts that will bring you health and happiness.

[FPSHOT]

Maybe this song is nice to play for a while

You can worry your life away with
Not knowing what each new day may bring to you
Or take each day as it goes on
Wake up to the love that flows on, around you.

If you believe - if you believe in you
Everything you thought is possible, if you believe . . .
If you believe in me . . .
All your love's reflected back to you
When you believe.

Too many troubles you can't control
To get you falling into the holes they dig for you
Get up - you have all your needs; Pray
Give up - and it all recedes away from you.
If you believe - if you believe in you

Everything you thought is possible, if you believe . . .
If you believe in me . . .
All your love's reflected back to you
When you believe.

[chiliace]

Hey, Kat.
What do you think George would tell you?
Perhaps he might point out that My Sweet Lord can be interpreted and enjoyed not on many different levels, but viewed with attention to one of it's many glimmering aspects.
Maybe a good companion piece to My Sweet Lord could be Let It Be. I know it's not totally George, but he is there in a big way.
"And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be."

[twovirgins]

dear scouser
< I dont have any answers about spirituality for I dont know any my self :)
Im twice you age and I still feel weird and out of place at parties if i makes you feel better .
I also sometimes get discouraged when I see so many people "missing" the big picture
and I wonder what is the point to all of it
Remember the roller coatster goes up and down and sometimes loop to loops

[beatlebangs1964]

I can't improve on what FPSHOT told you, Scouser. What you said about parties is rather universal - John Lennon said in 1965 "although I look and act like a clown, beneath this mask I am wearing a frown." George said, "try to realize it's all within yourself, no one else can make you change."

George himself said that the search for God cannot wait; each person has to find which road will take them there. FPSHOT has made some excellent suggestions; the only thing really I can add is try to find things you enjoy doing that include other people. By being active and proactive and doing something, your feelings will shift and your focus will be redirected.

Some songs that sound a propos are:

Any Road
Hear Me Lord
Here Comes the Sun
If You Believe (as FPSHOT kindly provided the lyrics)
Soft Touch (very soothing, this one)
Within You, Without You

[Hari's Chick]

Scouser,

I think I know very well the feeling you are having. After George passed, I felt that way extremely and I noticed I had no feelings of wanting to stay in the Material World. I was able to be kind and just wait for the bus to arrive and I felt the extreme detatchment was a benefit because I could always serve others since I had no desire to really serve any self interests, having basically no preference for things. But it was not a joyful feeling, deep down it felt really sad.

I spoke to a senior devotee friend of mine from ISKCON and she told me what I was experiencing was a false renunciation. She said if you renounce the world out of depression, it is renouncing for the wrong reason? She was so kind... she explained to me that the better way is to work hard to renounce ... not because the world is so lacking (so full of heartbreak), but to renounce because God is so so beautiful.

As FPSHOT suggested, when you look around and see the beauty in nature, and in little things in life, you are seeing God manifest through love. If you can manage it, love fiercely, and then work to realize that God is even *better* than all this world!

Even though the world ...as George said "is a sometimes sad and a very serious place" he added "it's all Crackerbox Palace"! I feel when you and God contracted for you to enter this life, at this time, in this body... you were given amazing gifts. (Like the movie "It's a Wonderful Life"!) You are needed... and there will be friends and family down the road in life who will benefit extremely from your gifts of love. Have faith in your unique ability to bestow those gifts and honor your specialness. Maybe you don't need the world so much as the world needs you! (((((((hugs))))))))

I know what you mean about feeling life's impermanence and then feeling 'why bother'. That is the part which is like the movie The Razor's Edge. The spiritual life is tricky. Often when resources seem most lacking, God places something on our path we need inner resources to face it effectively. He asks a lot from us. I find that for me, honoring the mind/body/soul connection is key. I am not sure if you have tried yoga, but I find it very helpful. Yoga is much more than exercise... it works with the chakras of the body and energy meridians, lines of energy which are spiritual. It opens the lines up, and can really refresh our spiritual as well as our physical selves. Sometimes it helps provide that energy to help us face those empty 'party' feelings.

LIke FPSHOT said, reading Autobio of a Yogi by Yogananda is wonderful to do. Did you know Dhani said once (he was asked what he was reading) that he could reread it over and over and learn each time! That is a true testament of value, straight from our beloved Dhani. You may also want to try ordering some Krishna Das CD's or Jai Utal. Jai Utal is woooonderful. ISKCON offers some CD's of the Maha Mantra as well, in continuous loop. Having those on with soem nice scented candles can sometimes help us connect with the Material World from a point of reentry which is positive, when we are feeling detatched from sadness.

I guess when we realize nothing is permanent, it also can be a real gift. Buddhism is amazing. I love how they turn everything hopeless (about old age, death, disease, suffereing...) into vehicles to exercise detatchment and compassion. When we do that effectively, we begin to see the joy underneith the silly play of life. And I think George saw those for sure!! He was always finding the joke behind things in life!!! Remember, "it's all Crackerbox Palace!"

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

[Asha]

Hey Scouser!

I so know how you feel! I have always felt that I don't belong here or that I don't fit in. I often used to ask why I am here, when can I leave, how much longer... Man! I had so many questions! There were times when these thoughts used to drag me down & get me depressed. But not any more. & some of those answers I was searching for, I now have! I can't tell you what that means!!!

I'm not all that attached to much on this earth either. Or at least I don't see things like so many people do. I know (& have always known) that I'm rather odd in that respect. But I see so many things that cause more misery than they are worth. (Hard to explain!)

It sounds to me that you are much like I was at your age. All I can tell you is, you show serious signs of wanting answers & looking for truths & finding a way to commune directly with God or the spiritual side of things. And the good news is! It can be done!

When you begin to connect, you will see you are not "stranded" here. You came here because you have a purpose & you have a much larger goal that you are fulfilling by spending time here. The angst that you feel is because you're ready to start searching for a way to get where you need to go! This is a wonderful sign! Please don't let it get you down! Just pull up those boot straps & be determined to find what you're looking for.

It's true nothing here is really permanent. It's not really a bad thing. You just have to see it from another perspective! It's good that nothing here is permanent because this isn't where we want to be forever. If this place were permanent, what would be the point of growing, learning, etc? & once you learn the world is not forever, it actually becomes easier to deal with what goes on here.

You just need a new perspective, sweetie!

What you haven't figured out is that you're further along than most! You're on your way home!!! You even said you're waiting for that airplane ride! Oh girl, wait until you get on it! All this aching your feeling is just your soul saying "C'mon! Let's get going!!!" :teeth1: Be patient & don't give up! :teeth1:

[Jocelyn]

I know exactly how you are feeling too, Scouser - I feel the same way a lot of the time ... jsut the feeling that there has to be something more, something else, 'trying to touch and reach You with heart and soul' ... but not knowing how to go about it or where to find it ... and then feeling that it's pointless and you'll never get there and why bother ... believe me, I know!

Sorry I can't be more helpful, I'm still trying to find the answers myself! But if you ever want to chat or anything, feel free :smile1:

[Weeping Guitar]

Scouser,

I don't know you, hun, nor you me! Yet I can relate to how you feel. I think part of the process of 'finding God' is asking yourself the very questions that you are doing. It's human nature to question where we are from and where we are headed. I think that maybe George had his own questions and doubts too at times. Look at the lyrics to 'Fish On The Sand'. I think that is about feeling 'distanced' from God.

What your'e going through is what I would describe as a "Dark Night Of The Soul". What are we without that 'spark'? And to me the spark is our soul, or spirit, and like our bodies and our minds it also needs care, but is sadly neglected in so many people; but you are not one of these people. You are trying to care for that side of yourself. And as for the depression you are feeling just now, to quote another song ... "All Things Must Pass".

My own faith is very hard to describe ... so I won't even try, but we have a thread on Spirituality, and I've described my thoughts and views there, so I won't duplicate that.

But, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I'll light you a candle ... for reflection and meditation.

I hope you find the Spiritual Peace you so desparately want.

Love and Light

Kath

[friar-park]

Have you ever been to a party or something, and all you can think is "What am I doing here, I don't belong here, when do I get to leave, how much longer does this have to go on?"
I feel this way about life.

I'm not really attached to much here out in MaterialLand, because all I can think about is the other side. As George wrote:
"I really want to see you
Really want to be with you
Really want to see you lord
But it takes so long, my lord"
~Layla



While you sort things out spiritually, don't overlook the Bible. Even George was reading up on Christ. I know he was reading the Bible, because that's where he got the phrase "He has nowhere to lay his head". I was surprised to come across that in the Bible recently. When George died I was quite down, very 'deep blue'. George had kept me thinking about God when I was somewhat 'estranged' from my religion. I'm a Catholic. Like I said,
George's songs kind of kept me thinking about God during the 20 years it took me to get serious about the religion I do love. God is calliing you by name, be sure to listen.

[friar-park]

Scouser,

I don't know you, hun, nor you me! Yet I can relate to how you feel. I think part of the process of 'finding God' is asking yourself the very questions that you are doing. It's human nature to question where we are from and where we are headed. I think that maybe George had his own questions and doubts too at times. Look at the lyrics to 'Fish On The Sand'. I think that is about feeling 'distanced' from God.

What your'e going through is what I would describe as a "Dark Night Of The Soul". What are we without that 'spark'? And to me the spark is our soul, or spirit, and like our bodies and our minds it also needs care, but is sadly neglected in so many people; but you are not one of these people. You are trying to care for that side of yourself. And as for the depression you are feeling just now, to quote another song ... "All Things Must Pass".

My own faith is very hard to describe ... so I won't even try, but we have a thread on Spirituality, and I've described my thoughts and views there, so I won't duplicate that.

But, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I'll light you a candle ... for reflection and meditation.

I hope you find the Spiritual Peace you so desparately want.

Love and Light

Kath

WG, I agree with everything you said except

"part of the process of 'finding God' is asking yourself the very questions that you are doing. "

True, asking the questions is part of the equation, but in prayer most people forget that it's just as important to listen than it is to pray. If when you question God you don't listen for his response, you won't get anywhere.

If I'm overshooting what you meant to say, please forgive me. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just saying.

:wave1:

[Weeping Guitar]

WG, I agree with everything you said except

"part of the process of 'finding God' is asking yourself the very questions that you are doing. "

True, asking the questions is part of the equation, but in prayer most people forget that it's just as important to listen than it is to pray. If when you question God you don't listen for his response, you won't get anywhere.

If I'm overshooting what you meant to say, please forgive me. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just saying.

:wave1:

I take your point and it's valid. However I'm speaking, personally from a Pagan point of view. I do have some Christian leanings and do still pray, but you're quite right to point out that people have to listen for God to speak to them

[Hari's Chick]

I hope Scouser is okay... she has not posted recently? I am concerned...

[Weeping Guitar]

I hope Scouser is okay... she has not posted recently? I am concerned...

Has anyone tried PM-ing her? Do any of the damins have her email address?

[Jocelyn]

No, I don't think she has posted since starting this thread ... I hope she is OK too ... :(

[Scouser]

Oh guys, I'm so sorry I've been worrying people. Here in Southern Michigan we had quite the storm thursday night and since then our internet has been out. It was just reinstalled a few moments ago.

In that no-internet time I did a lot of thinking (cause complete boredom will do that to you, lol) and meditating and praying and chanting......and I can't quite say everything is magically all better, but now I'm starting to get that it's not making snese to me because it's not supposed to yet. The whole reason I'm here is to figure this stuff out, and while I'm wildly impatient I'm just going to have to give it some time. There's something I'm supposed to be doing, I just have to wait for it.

Thanks to everyone for their concern and all the advice and everything. I was having a really rough night and a lot of doubts about....pretty much everything and you guys really helped get it all in perspective.

Thanks
~Layla

[Weeping Guitar]

Ah, OK. Well, be reassured we were worried. So don't ever think that no one cares, or that no-one knows or understands what you have been feeling. Sometimes all we can do is wait, and listen, and be observant to the opportunitues around you.