How to speak PC

[SleepyHead]

ETHNICITY
(PC people do not recognize the term, "race," as valid)

Black - African-Canadian
(NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE
LIBYANS, EGYPTIONS, WHITE
S-AFRICANS.
DOES INCLUDE
PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF
WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE.)

Oriental - Asian-Canadian
(NOTE: NOT CONSIDERED "REAL" MINORITIES
SINCE THEY TEND TO DO WELL)

Indian - Native-Canadian
(NOTE: THE FOLLOWING TEAMS ARE NOT PC:
Atlanta Braves
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Chiefs
Washington Redskins
AVOID THESE CITIES!!!)

Chicano - Hispanic
(NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC:
Cheech and Chong
Chico and the Man episodes
Cisco Kid
Rosarita Salsa
Speedy Gonzales
AVOID! AVOID!)

White Trash - PC Unaware
Rustically Inclined
WASP (white male) - Insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO)


------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

GENDER
(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations)

Woman - Womyn, Vaginal-Canadian

Girl - Pre-Womyn

Housewife - Domestic Engineer

Fireman - Firefighter

Stewardess - Flight Attendant

Meter Maid - Parking Enforcement Aduciator

Post Man - Post Person

Mail Man - Mail Person

Policeman - Law Enforcement Officer

Cal. Clubber

Prostitute - Sex Surrogate
(Teen Victim. See: Broken Home)

Mankind, Human - Earth Children


------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

PEOPLE : SUB-GROUPS

Handicapped - Physically Challenged
Differently Abled
Handi-Capable

Blind - Optically Darker
Photonically Non-receptive

Deaf - Visually Oriented

Poor - Economically Unprepared

Bum - Homeless Person
Displaced Homeowner
Philosophy Major

Hunter - Animal Assassin
Meat Mercenary
Bambi Butcher

Whaler - Blubber Lovers

Old Person / Elderly - 4th-Dimentionally Extended
Gerontologically Advanced

Conservative - Right Wing Extremist Fascist Pig

Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged

Bald - Comb-Free

Bisexual - Sexually Non-preferential

Midget, Dwarf - Little People
Vertically Challenged

Convict - Socially Separated

Insane People - Selectively Perceptive
Mental Explorers

(person with) (person with)
Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability

Tree-Hugger - Environmental Activist

Logger - Wood Weasel
Paper Pirate
Treeslayer

Dead People - Dysfunctional Earth Children
Biologically Challenged
Metaphysically Challenged

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[This Message Has Been Edited By SleepyHead On March 26, 2002 01:45 AM]

[SleepyHead]

MISCELLANEOUS

Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family

HouseBroken - Family Disfunction

Cattle Ranch - Cattle Concentration Camp (CCC)
"Moo-shwitz"

Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim

Ghetto/Barrio - (EHA) Ethnically Homogenous Area
Pre-Integrated Pre-Nirvana

Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh (SMAF)

Cheeseburger - Adding Insult to Injury

Cheating (in School) - Academic Dishonesty

Used Books - Recycled Books

Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units

Gang - Youth Group

Pimp-mobile, Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation
Option

Drunk/Trashed - Spatially Perplexed

Slum - (EOZ) Economic Oppression Zone

Delicatessen - Corpse Farm
Charnel House

Obese - People of Mass
Gravitationally Challenged


------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

The Lord's Prayer

Our parental unit or legal guardian (single, married, divorced, or participant in an alternate lifestyle choice), who resides in a place different from (but not necessarily morally better than) our current spiritual plane, may your name be honored, unless it is an Anglicized version of an ethnically-diverse surname changed at Ellis Island to avoid persecution and racial slurs from the angry white males of this country.
Your government for the people each according to his or her needs and abilities come, your counseling intervention strategies be done, on Gaia as it is in the place different from(but not necessarily morally better than(our current spiritual plane.

Give us this day our daily nutritional requirements of vegetarian, low-fat, low-salt, low cholesterol, organically grown foods (after, of course, a portion of which has been removed to provide for the NEA, the Department of Education, and the Department of Health and Human Services), and forgive us our no-interest loans guaranteed by the federal government as we forgive the greedy, money-grubbing businessmen who steal from the poor and take food from the mouths of children.

Lead us not into temptation, but realize that if we falter, it is not our fault but a predisposed genetic condition beyond our control or a result of the dysfunctional relationship we had with our parents, but deliver us from the acts judged to be wrong by the moral authority of the day, even though we would see these acts as perfectly acceptable from a morally-relative viewpoint if we only took time to study and understand other cultures.

For thine is the commune, the cooperation, and the mutual affirmation until something better comes along.

Apersons.


------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

P.C. Nativity

And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn. And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds and said, "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior, which is Christ the Lord."
"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee who happened to be strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as religious symbols, and the stable was on public property where such symbols were not allowed to land or even hover.

"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too."

Joseph had a bright idea. "What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and donkey?" he said, eager to avoid sectarian strife.

"That would definitely help," said the Pharisee, who knew as well as anyone that whenever a savior appeared, judges usually liked to be on the safe side and surround it with deer or woodland creatures of some sort.

"Just to clinch it, throw in a candy cane and a couple of elves and snowmen, too," he said. "No court can resist that."

Mary asked, "What does my son's birth have to do with snowmen?"

"Snowpersons," cried a young woman, changing the subject before it veered dangerously toward religion.

Off to the side of the crowd, a Philistine was painting the Nativity scene.

Mary complained that she and Joseph looked too tattered and worn in the picture.

"Artistic license," he said. "I've got to show the plight of the haggard homeless in a greedy, uncaring society in winter," he quipped.

"We're not haggard or homeless. The inn was just full," said Mary.

"Whatever," said the painter.

Two women began to argue fiercely. One said she objected to Jesus' birth "because it privileged motherhood." The other scoffed at virgin births, but said that if they encouraged more attention to diversity in family forms and the rights of single mothers, well, then, she was all for them.

"I'm not a single mother," Mary started to say, but she was cut off by a third woman who insisted that swaddling clothes are a form of child abuse, since they restrict the natural movement of babies.

With the arrival of 10 child advocates, all trained to spot infant abuse and manger rash, Mary and Joseph were pushed to the edge of the crowd, where arguments were breaking out over how many reindeer (or what mix of reindeer and seasonal sprites) had to be installed to compensate for the infant's unfortunate religious character.

An older man bustled up, bowling over two merchants, who had been busy debating whether an elf is the same as a fairy and whether the elf/fairy should be shaking hands with Jesus in the crib or merely standing to the side, jumping around like a sports mascot. "I'd hold off on the reindeer," the man said, explaining that the use of donkeys and oxen as picturesque backdrops for Nativity scenes carries the subliminal message of human dominance. He passed out two leaflets, one denouncing manger births as invasions of animal space, the other arguing that stables are "penned environments" where animals are incarcerated against their will. He had no opinion about elves or candy canes.

Signs declaring "Free the Bethlehem 2" began to appear, referring to the obviously exploited donkey and ox. Someone said the halo on Jesus' head was elitist.

Mary was exasperated. "And what about you, old mother?" she said sharply to an elderly woman. "Are you here to attack the shepherds as prison guards for excluded species, maybe to complain that singing in Latin identifies us with our Roman oppressors, or just to say that I should have skipped patriarchal religiosity and joined some dumb new-age goddess religion?"

"None of the above," said the woman, "I just wanted to tell you that the Magi are here." Sure enough, the three wise men rode up. The crowd gasped, "They're all male!" And "Not very multicultural!" "Balthasar here is black," said one of the Magi. "Yes, but how many of you are gay or disabled?" someone shouted. A committee was quickly formed to find an impoverished lesbian wise-person among the halt and lame of Bethlehem.

A calm voice said, "Be of good cheer, Mary, you have done well and your son will change the world." At last, a sane person, Mary thought. She turned to see a radiant and confident female face. The woman spoke again: "There is one thing, though. Religious holidays are important, but can't we learn to celebrate them in ways that unite, not divide? For instance, instead of all this business about 'Gloria in excelsis Deo,' why not just 'Season's Greetings'?"

Mary said, "You mean my son has entered human history to deliver the message, 'Hello, it's winter'?"

"That's harsh, Mary," said the woman.

"Remember, your son could make it big in midwinter festivals, if he doesn't push the religion thing too far. Centuries from now, in nations yet born, people will give each other pricey gifts and have big office parties on his birthday. That's not chopped liver."

"Let me get back to you," Mary said.



------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

The revised Lord's Prayer as sent by The Reverend Kenneth Scott
of Thornhill, Ontario to the Toronto Globe & Mail and there published
Saturday, 15 November 1986 on p. D7.

Our universal chairperson in outer space
your identity enjoys the highest rating on a prioritized selectivity scale
may your sphere of influence take on reality parameters
may your mindset be implemented
on this planet as in outer space.
Allot to us, at this point in time and on a per diem basis, a sufficient
and balanced dietary food intake
and rationalize a disclaimer against our negative feedback
as we rationalize a disclaimer against the negative feedback of others
and deprogram our negative potentialities
but desensitize the impact of the counter-productive force
for yours is the dominant sphere of influence
the ultimate capability (non-nuclear)
and the highest qualitative analysis rating
at this point in time and extending beyond a limited time-frame.
End of message.


------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

POLITICALLY CORRECT RED RIDING HOOD

**

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding
Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of
endangered owls and rare plants that would probably
provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to
study them.

Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she
sometimes referred to as "mother", although she didn't
mean to imply by this term that she would have thought
less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact
exist.

Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of
nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this
was the impression conveyed.

One day her mother asked her to take a basket of
organically grown fruit and mineral water to her
grandmother's house.

"But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized
people who have struggled for years to earn the right to
carry all packages between various people in the woods?"

Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had called
the union secretary and had a special compassionate
mission exemption form.

"But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to
do this?"

Red Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was
impossible for womyn to oppress each other, since all
womyn were equally oppressed until all womyn were free.

"But mother, then shouldn't you have my brother carry the
basket, since he's an oppressor, and should learn what it's
like to be
oppressed?"

And Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her brother
was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides,
this wasn't stereotypical womyn's work, but an empowering
deed that would help engender a feeling of community.

"But won't I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she's
sick and hence unable to independently further her own
selfhood?"

But Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her
grandmother wasn't actually sick or incapacitated or
mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to
imply that any of these conditions were inferior to what
some people called "health".

Thus Red Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the
idea of delivering the basket to her grandmother, and so she
set off.

Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and
dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was
an irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a
patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an
exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural
predators were in fact intolerable competitors.

Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and
deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless
society all marginalized peoples would be able to "come out"
of the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.

On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood passed a
woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to
examine some flowers.

She was startled to find herself standing before a Wolf, who
asked her what was in her basket.

Red Riding Hood's teacher had warned her never to talk to
strangers, but she was confident in taking control of her
own budding sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf.

She replied, "I am taking my Grandmother some healthful
snacks in a gesture of solidarity."

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little
girl to walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive
in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your
traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of
which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet
entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would
prefer to be on my way."

Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded
towards her Grandmother's house.

But because his status outside society had freed him from
slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf
knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house.

He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of
action affirmative of his nature as a predator.

Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role
notions, he put on Grandma's nightclothes, crawled under
the bedclothes, and awaited developments.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said,

"Grandma, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to
salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch."

The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see
you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Goodness! Grandma, what big eyes
you have!"

"You forget that I am optically challenged."

"And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you
have."

"Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting
career, but I didn't give in to such societal pressures, my
child."

"And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"

The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs,
and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he
leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and
opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor
Grandmother cowering in his belly.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely
shouted. "You must request my permission before
proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"

The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened
his grasp on her.

At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage,
brandishing an axe.

"Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.

"And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red
Riding Hood. "If I let you help me now, I would be
expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which
would lead to poor self esteem and lower TER scores."

"Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered
species! This is a Fisheries and Wildlife operation!"
screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding
Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off her
head.

"Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The
brat and her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was
a goner."

"No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the
woodchopper. "I've been dealing with my anger ever since I
saw her picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I'm
going to have such a trauma. Do you have any aspirin?"

The Wolf and the woodchopper interacted together in a
really, really positive way. They empowered each other in an
alternative, non-traditional relationship and lived forever
after in an ongoing happiness type situation.

Good night...


------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

THE (UPDATED) LORD'S PRAYER
*

Our Universal Chairperson in the metaphysical realm.

Your identity enjoys the highest rating on a
prioritized selectivity scale.

May your sphere of influence take on reality
parameters.

May your mindset be implemented on this planet as in
the metaphysical realm.

Allow us at this point in time and on a per diem
basis a sufficient and balanced dietary food intake
and rationalise a disclaimer against our disparaging
feedback to others.

Deprogram our negative potentialities, but
desensitise the impact of the counterproductive
force.

For Yours is the dominant sphere of influence, the
ultimate capability and the highest qualitative
analysis rating at this stage of human history and
extending infinitely beyond any limited time frame.
End of message.


------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to Ringo Starr (http://bearkatrs.50megs.com)

[mindgames]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By SleepyHead:
Conservative - Right Wing Extremist Fascist Pig

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's me!


------------------
How many Beatles does it take to change a light bulb?
4: John to come up with a light bulb,
Paul to claim half of the light bulb,
George to complain his lights bulbs are never considered,
and Ringo, to actually change the light bulb.

- Miss O'Dell, February 25, 2002