We put the 'spring' in Springfield

[darkhorse]

How many of you watch The Simpsons often or are Simpsons fans? I know the series was the most popular around the USA a couple of years ago, and now it isn't so... But I think it's a great show, even in its translated form it shows a great way of seeing this modern world.

My favorite episode is, of course, the one that was a total parody of the "Anthology" thing ("Homer's Barbershop Quartet"), which featured George Harrison as an special guest; and my favorite character is Mr.Burns. I can't believe there can be a character so well-developed as that one. Homer also makes me laugh.

OK, what do you think?

------------------
"I'm a dark horse
Running on a dark race course"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

HOMER'S BARBERSHOP QUARTET:
It's the day of the Springfield Swap Meet! Mayor Quimby watches the
proceedings from a podium.

Quimby: [to his bodyguards] Human roaches, feeding off each others'
garbage! The only thing you can't buy here is dignity. [taps
the microphone] Welcome swappers! To the Springfield swap meet!
Ich bin ein Springfield swap meet patron!
[Applause]
[to his bodyguards] I need a drink and a shower.

Moe is selling oyster shells that resemble Lucille Ball. Meanwhile,
Bart, Nelson, and Milhouse check out Ned Flanders' booth.

Bart: Oh boy! Free trading cards!
Milhouse: Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! Twenty six conversions in A.D. 46.
Nelson: Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card!
Flanders: Heh heh, well boys, who'd have thought learning about religion
could be fun?
Bart: Religion?
Milhouse: Learning?
Nelson: Let's get out of here!

Meanwhile, Lisa is at another booth.

Lisa: Wow, an original Malibu Stacey from 1958! [Sees the huge, pointed
breasts] Oh...
Man: Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his
eyes out.

Principal Skinner rediscovers his prison mask from the Viet Cong
internment center. He comments to Herman how small a world it is.
Homer looks through the five cent box at another booth, dismissing as
junk an original document from congress, Action Comics No. 1, a set of
stamps with upside down airplanes on them, and a violin autographed by
"Stradi-who-vius?"

Marge tries her luck at selling stuff at her own booth.

Marge: Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is
really cool!
Man: I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid.

Bart and Lisa check out the $1.00 record booth. The booth operator
plays a cut from "Melvin and the Squirrels" for Bart, to let him sample
the rodent invasion of the '60s.

Lisa notices an album titled, "Meet the Be Sharps", with a photo of
Homer on the front. Both children are curious.

Bart: Dad, when did you record an album?
Homer: I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only eight years
ago.
Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight
minutes ago.
[Everyone laughs uproariously except Bart]
No, really, I can't! It's a serious problem.
[Everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too]
What are we all laughing about?
Homer: [joyously] Who cares? Anyways...


Homer begins to narrate the tale of his barbershop quartet. It begins
in 1985.

Homer: Every afternoon at Moe's, Chief Wiggum, Principal Skinner, Apu,
and I would get together and sing, and the crowds went wild!
[Scene shows roses and underwear getting thrown on stage]
Barney: [The only audience member, seductively] Yoo hoo!

Bart: [incredulous] Barbershop? That ain't been popular since aught
six, dagnab it.
Homer: [reproachfully] Bart, what did I tell you?
Bart: [abashed] No talking like a grizzled 1890s prospector...consarn
it.

Homer continues his narration.

Anyway, rock and roll had become stagnant. "Achy Breaky Heart" was
seven years away; something had to fill the void. That something was
barbershop.

The four singers end their show with "Goodbye, My Coney Island Baby".
Abe and another man watch from the audience.

Abe: That's my son up there!
Man: What, the balding fat-ass?
Abe: Uh, no, the...Hindu guy.

The quartet even get to perform at the Springfield prison.
Unfortunately for Chief Wiggum, Snake decides to throw a rock at him
after the performance is over.

Reverend Lovejoy invites the fab four to sing at the First Church of
Springfield. The audience are enthralled, and donate particularly
generously. The reverend looks pleased. Ned Flanders, a sidesman,
isn't so sure.

Ned: You know, reverend, this really isn't a hymn.
Rev: [crossly] Ned, there's an oil stain in the parking lot that looks
just like St. Barnabas.
Ned: [aghast] Oh, my stars!

Homer et al. perform back at Moe's, and finish to wild applause. Homer
goes to get himself a beer. He's approached by Nigel.

Nigel: Homer, I'm a theatrical agent, and I want to represent your
group. [Hands Homer his card]
Homer: Really?
Nigel: Yeah. You've got _it_. All except that police officer. Yuck!
Too "Village People".

Homer assures Nigel he can handle Wiggum. Homer drives the panting
Chief out to a deserted country road, and stops the car. "Run along,
boy! You're free now!" Wiggum jumps out, and Homer drives off. Soon,
Wiggum sees his predicament, and he howls unhappily at the full moon.

Back at Moe's, Nigel is introduced to the remaining two members.
Principal Skinner shakes Nigel's hand.

Apu: [introducing himself] Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.
Nigel: Hmm. Never fit on a marquee, luv. From now on, your name is Apu
de Beaumarchais.
Apu: [unhappily] That is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my
god...[brightens] but okay!

The trio begins to audition for Chief Wiggum's replacement. Abe,
groundskeeper Willy, {Jasper}, and Chief Wiggum disguised as Dr.
Dolittle all try out, but "it was one lousy applicant after another."
Dejected, they return to Moe's, when they hear a beautiful Irish voice
singing from the bathroom. They're all amazed, and wonder who it is.
After a burp, it can only be one person...

Homer: Barney! How'd you like to sing for our group?
Barney: [On the bathroom floor] Sure, why not? [searching] Now, where's
me toothpick?

Wiggum will not accept defeat. He rallies the good citizens of
Springfield behind his cause. They chant angrily at the new foursome as
the Chief laughs. The minute Barney breaks into, "Sweet Adeline", the
audience flip flops, and cheer with delight. Wiggum slinks away.

Moe: Those girls you paid to scream are doing a great job.
Nigel: _I_ didn't pay any girls to scream.
Moe: Huh?!

After the show, the quartet members are elated. And yet...

Skinner: Only one question remains, gentlemen...what do we call
ourselves?
Nigel: How about, "Handsome Homer Simpson Plus Three?"
Barney: I like it!
Apu: Wait, I do not.
Skinner: Er, um, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems
less funny each time you hear it.
Apu: How about, "The Be Sharps?"
[Everyone laughs loud at first, then less, then the laughter
tapers off]
Skinner: Perfect!

The four of them reach into the center of the circle with one hand, palm
face down, and touch hands as a gesture of solidarity. Chief Wiggum
adds his hand to the pile, saying, "You can't blame a guy for trying."
When the foursome glare at him, he laughs sheepishly, then places them
under arrest.


On the drive home, everyone compares acquisitions from the swap meet.

Homer: What'd you kids get?
Bart: I bought this cool pencil holder.
Homer: Heh heh, far out man. I haven't seen a bong in years.
-- But it _could_ hold pencils, "Homer's Barbershop Quartet"
Marge is unhappy about the way things went for her.

Marge: [dejected] No one bought a wishbone necklace.
Homer: Well, one of us made some money! I sold a guy our spare tire.
[A tire on the car blows out] D'oh!

Marge walks off into the distance, twelve miles to the gas station.

Homer: Well, it'll be a long time before your mother gets back with the
tire, so why don't I tell you more of the story?

Homer sits at the piano in the Simpson house, trying to write a song.

Homer: [plays some chords, then sings tentatively]
There was nothing in Al Capone's vault,
But it wasn't Geraldo's fault...
[spoken] D'oh!

Marge: Look what I got! Now people will stop intentionally ramming our
car.
Marge buys a "Baby on Board" sign
The sign gives Homer an idea for a song.

Homer: Hmm, "Baby on Board..." [sings]
Baby On Board,
Something something, Burt Ward...
[spoken] This thing writes itself!

The Be Sharps sing Homer's composition in the studio. When they finish
Nigel tells them they've just recorded their first number one. The four
are ecstatic.

Homer: [excited] Wait till I tell Marge!
Nigel: [with consternation] Oh, yes...Bouffant Betty. Well, I would
prefer if we kept your marriage a secret. You see, a lot of
women are going to want to have _sex_ with you, and, er, we want
them to think they _can_.
Homer: Well, if I explain it to Marge _that_ way, I'm sure she'll
understand.
[scene change to the Simpson home]
Marge: [cries loudly]
Homer: [trying to placate her] C'mon, honey! It'll only be until we
finish our tour of Sweden.

Abe hears the Be Sharps on the radio, and proudly informs Jasper that
Homer is in the group. Jasper tells him Paul Harvey's on, and Abe
switches stations quickly. They catch the tail end of the tale of Roy
Cohn.

Captain McAllister is fighting a ferocious sea squid, when "Baby On
Board" comes on the radio. He stops brandishing his harpoon.

Ah, Squiddy! I got nothing against ye. I just heard there was gold in
yer belly. Ha ha har, ha ha ha har!

Marge and Homer listen to the end of the song on the radio.

Marge: Homer, you're going to be famous!
Homer: Yeah, but I'm not gonna let it change our lives. I'll be the
same loving father I've always been.
Marge: Hmm, have you seen Bart?
Homer: Ehh, I stuck him somewhere.

Homer buys his dad a new pink Cadillac with his new fortune.
Unfortunately, Abe's heart can't quite handle the joy.

The Be Sharps disembark at JFK airport in New York City. A large crowd
is on hand to greet them. The press is there too, ready for a press
conference.

Reporter: I have a question for Apu de Beaumarchais. Isn't it true that
you're really an Indian?
Apu: By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie.
Reporter: Barney! How did you join the group?
Barney: They found me on the men's room floor.
[Everyone laughs, but a tear rolls down Barney's cheek]
Reporter: Principal Skinner, you've been referred to as "the funny one."
Is that reputation justified?
Skinner: [seriously] Yes. Yes, it is.
[Everyone laughs]

The group performs in the harbor near the Statue of Liberty in front of
an unappreciative Ronald Reagan, with Nancy in tow.

Homer: We'd like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman.
She's a hundred years old, and she weighs over two hundred...
tons.
Man: This enormous woman will devour us all! Aah! [jumps into water]
Homer: Er, I meant the statue...

Chief Wiggum sits discontentedly at home in bed, as Johnny Carson and
Joan Rivers poke fun at his now dead singing career. He even shoots at
his TV in his depression, but misses. His wife admonishes him for not
using the remote, {but he whines that he can't find it. She tells him
to check his holster,} and he finds it there. Switching channels to
Joan Rivers, who denigrates him, he cracks the tube by throwing his gun
at it.

Marge has now returned and is changing the tire. Homer explains all
that was now needed was the approval of record company lowlives. The
29th annual Grammys has David Crosby presenting the award for
"Outstanding Soul, Spoken Word, or Barbershop Album of the Year". "And
the winner is...the Be Sharps!" The four leave their seats and walk
onto the stage.

Barney: David Crosby? You're my hero!
David: Oh, you like my music?
Barney: [surprised] You're a musician?


At the party afterwards, Homer gets the greatest thrill of his life.

George: Hello, Homer! I'm George Harrison.
Homer: [incredulous] Oh my God. Oh my God! Where did you get that
brownie?
George: Over there. There's a big pile of them.
Homer: [Laughs crazily, then devours a whole bunch]
[satisfied] Oh, ma-an...
[devours more]
George: Well, what a nice fellow.

In the hotel room, Homer is talking to Lisa on the phone.

Homer: Lisa, did you see the Grammys?
Lisa: You beat Dexy's Midnight Runners.
Homer: Well, you haven't heard the last of them.

Homer hangs up, then becomes pensive for a moment, then sighs. He seems
depressed. Room service brings him some champagne, and when he looks
for a tip, he gives the bellhop his Grammy instead. The bellhop is
excited at first, but when he sees it's a Grammy, he throws it off the
balcony in disgust. A man on the street tosses it back up, only to hit
Homer on the head.

In the living room, Homer shows Bart and Lisa his "Be Sharps Stuff" box.

Lisa: Wow, look at all this Be Sharps merchandise. Lunch boxes...
coffee mugs...funny foam...[squirts some on Homer]
Homer: [angrily] They took the foam off the market because they found
out it was poisonous, but if you ask me, if you're dumb enough to
eat it, you deserve to die.
[looks over] Bart!
Bart: [through a mouth full of foam, guiltily] What?

Lisa: I can't believe you're not still popular.
Bart: What'd you do? Screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger
than Jesus?
Homer: All the time! That was the title of our second album.

Homer: We were about to learn an iron law of show business: what goes up
must come down.
Lisa: What about Bob Hope? He's been consistently popular for over
fifty years.
Bart: So's Sinatra.
Homer: Well, anyway, we were all getting tired of --
Lisa: Dean Martin still packs 'em in.
Bart: Ditto Tom Jones.
Homer: Shut up!

Marge explains how she tried to compensate for Homer's absence when he
was on the road. She made a dummy of homer out of a coffee can, some
balloons, dish gloves, and a few other household items, and played a
tape of Homer's voice to the young Bart and Lisa. It didn't quite work
as well as she'd hoped, though.

"Meanwhile, the group was having problems of its own," Homer explains.
He, Apu, and Skinner are shown in the studio with stubble on their
faces, singing off-key.

[Homer, Skinner, and Apu sing]
For all the latest medical poop
Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop.
Poo poo pa-doop.
Apu: This is worse than your song about Mr. T.
Homer: I pity the fool who doesn't like...he.

Homer asks where Barney is, and Seymour tells him Barney is with his new
girlfriend, the "Japanese conceptual artist". Barney walks in with her,
and opines that he's worried barbershop is becoming stagnant. He plays
them his "bold new direction" demo tape, which consists of repetitions
of a female voice saying, "Number eight," followed by a belch. {Two of
the "Number eight"s are cut in syndication.} Apu and Seymour roll their
eyes.

Things were really over for the four when "US" magazine rated them as
"not hot" in the "What's Hot and What's Not" survey. "We all went our
separate ways." Skinner goes back to Springfield Elementary.

Skinner: Well, William, I'm back! So...how did you spend your summer?
Willy: I made millions in software and lost it at the track. Ach!

Apu takes his old job at the Kwik-E-Mart back.

Apu: It may not be glamorous, but it's good, honest work.
Woman: How much is this quart of milk?
Apu: Twelve dollars.

Barney reoccupies his seat at Moe's.

Moe: Hey, Barney! What'll it be?
Barney: I'd like a beer, Moe!
Yoko: I'd like a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's
hat.
Moe: [reaching under bar] Here you go.

Homer takes his job back at the power plant.

Homer: Hey, fellows, I'm back!
Carl: Oh, that's great. Your replacement was getting tired.
[shot of a chicken in Homer's chair, pecking the controls]
Hey, Queenie, you can go now!
Homer: I'll give her a good home.
[scene shifts back to Bart and Lisa, centered on Homer's
stomach]
And I did.

Bart: Man, that's some story!
Lisa: But there are still a few things I don't get. Like, how come we
never heard about this until today?
Bart: Yeah, and what happened to the money you made?
Lisa: Why haven't you hung up your gold records?
Bart: Since when could you write a song?
Homer: [laughs] There are perfectly good answers to those questions.
But they'll have to wait for another night. Now off to bed!

Homer looks at the old "Meet the Be Sharps" album wistfully, then picks
up the phone. In the next scene, he walks out a door on the roof of
Moe's tavern, where Apu, Seymour, and Barney wait for him.

The four break into "Baby On Board," and all the passers-by stop to
listen. No one pays any attention to "Human Fly", who stayed up all
night dyeing his underwear. A newsie hocks a paper to a man by
pretending it contained an article about the Be Sharps. George Harrison
drives by in his limo, rolls down the window, and glances up at the four
of them..."It's been done," he says, and drives off. Even Wiggum and
Lou seem impressed at the display, until Wiggum tells Lou to get the
tear gas.

Over the closing credits, Homer says, "I'd like to thank you on behalf
of the group, and I hope we passed the audition." Everyone laughs,
including Barney. After the laughter dies down, Barney says, "I don't
get it."



------------------

[octopus's garden]

where'd you get that 4thGenFan?

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/alien1.gif - take me to your leader

[darkhorse]

I bet she took it from http://www.snpp.com A great site for Simpson fans.

These are the lyrics to "Baby On Board", the Homer composition that was the Be Sharps' "first number one record" http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

Baby on board, how I've adored,
That sign on my car's windowpane
A bounce in my step; loaded with pep,
'Cause I'm driving in the carpool lane.

Call me a square; friend, I don't care
That little yellow sign can't be ignored
I'm telling you it's mighty nice
Each trip's a trip to paradise
With my baby on board.


------------------
"I'm a dark horse
Running on a dark race course"

I love watching the Simpsons, that episode was great. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/smile.gif What do people think of Malcolm in the Middle, with the family on there being dubbed the 'real-life Simpsons' and all? I don't mind it I guess, some bits are pretty funny. I'd prefer to watch the Simpsons though.

[jami]

I don't like The Simpsons at all. I don't really know why? I just never got into it. I've watched Malcolm In The Middle a few times, NWM ....... I think that one's pretty funny too.

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/flower.gif

[Paul_McCartney2002]

The Simpsons has got to be the best show on TV. It's funny because it's all real life kind of stuff. If there is one thing that makes me happy after a bad day it's The Simpsons. Here's one for you all, which Beatle did Marge have the hots for?

------------------
" I'm really glad that most of the songs dealt with peace and understanding. There's hardly any one of them that says: 'Go on kids, tell them to sod off, leave your parents.' It's all very 'All you need is love'. There was a good spirit behind it all, which I'm very proud of. Anyway it were a grand thing, The Beatles"
Paul McCartney

We just went over this one recently... Ringo. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By octopus's garden:
where'd you get that 4thGenFan?
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Honestly, I don't even remember. I just went to www.google.com, (http://www.google.com,) typed in "Simpsons episodes", and clicked on the first link it gave me. Praise Google.

------------------

[Ian Iachimoe]

I can't be getting on with the Simpsons i'm afraid. Though i accept i'm in the minority !!

------------------
In Love all of life's contradictions dissolve and disappear

[bearkat77]

I don't care for the Simpsons, either. I have never watched it and I probably won't ever.

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif

Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)

I sense a generation gap. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[Harbidge]

The Simpsons is a great show and I've got all the Beatle episodes one tape. The Be Sharps episode is my favourite too (Especially the rooftop gig at the end where George drives by and says "It's been done)

George should have had more lines. His entire script was:

"Hello Homer, I'm George Harrison."
"Over there, there's a huge pile of 'em."
"Well what a nice fella."
"It's been done."

------------------
Containing EVERY clue ever found about this conspiracy, Paul is Dead - The Conclusive Evidence (http://www.paulisdead.net) will change your mind about this bizarre coverup.

[SleepyHead]

The Simpsons stink. Period. Of course, that's just my opinion, and since they are still on the air, I must accept that I am, too, in the minority here...

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

Why do you think they stink, or in what way/s?

[jami]

Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
I sense a generation gap. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

Naaaah, you can't really make that point, NWM ....... my hubby loves it, and he's 34 years old. It's just not a very good show in my opinion. I don't know if you've seen it, but I kind of like that show "King Of The Hill". It's a cartoon too, but it's more Southern based.



------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/flower.gif

[HMVNipper]

I like the Simpsons, actually -- it can be very clever. And I'm nearly 40, so if it's a generation thing...well...

Hey, speaking of the episode referenced above -- did anyone else notice that in the flashback sequences the sign on "Moe's Tavern" actually read "Moe's CAVERN?" Clever, I thought...

Thanks for posting the transcript, I laughed while reading it just as much as I laughed when I saw the episode!

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/rocknroll.gif

------------------
Rooftop Sessions - The Finest In Beatles-Related Fiction. May 2001 Issue up now! About.com BEST OF THE NET, April 2001! www.rationalmagic.com/Rooftop/Rooftop.html (http://www.rationalmagic.com/Rooftop/Rooftop.html)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By jami:
I don't know if you've seen it, but I kind of like that show "King Of The Hill".

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

King of the Hill was good while it lasted (about 2 episodes).

[John Prescott]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Harbidge:
The Simpsons is a great show and I've got all the Beatle episodes one tape. The Be Sharps episode is my favourite too (Especially the rooftop gig at the end where George drives by and says "It's been done)

George should have had more lines. His entire script was:

"Hello Homer, I'm George Harrison."
"Over there, there's a huge pile of 'em."
"Well what a nice fella."
"It's been done."

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


THROW AN EGG AT ME WILL YOU?http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry1.gifhttp://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry2.gifhttp://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry3.gifhttp://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry4.gif


BTW Vote Labour http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



------------------

[HeyBeatle]

I absolutely love the Simpsons it is the only thing I watch on a regular basis. I like it so much cause it has a healthy dosage of anti PCness but it still stays tasteful. The only tv shows I like more are Are you being served? and Mothy Pythons Flying Circus and neither of those are shown on American television anymore except for the occasional AYBS episode on public tv.

------------------
" Are you a mod or a rocker?"
" No I'm a mocker."

" Go to the window... Go to the window."

"Oh won't you please, please help me!"-Fred

"I'm not dead yet."

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Another hilarious episode is the one where Lisa gets braces. There're a couple Beatles references in it, too. "Look fellas, it's Lisa in the sky!" "No diamonds, though." Then her dentist shows her The Big Book of British Smiles, LOL!

"So we'll march day and night by the big cooling tower, they have the plan but we have the power."
*******************************************

"Lousy traumatic childhood!"- Homer Simpson

[mindgames]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By John Prescott:

THROW AN EGG AT ME WILL YOU?http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry1.gifhttp://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry2.gifhttp://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry3.gifhttp://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/angry4.gif


<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/afraid2.gif Well, all right. (windup) SPLAT!

Happy now?

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif


------------------
This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number thirty-eight on the USA album charts

[mindgames]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By bearkat77:
I don't care for the Simpsons, either. I have never watched it and I probably won't ever.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Me neither, so it can't be a generation gap. It must be a Southern thing, seeing as how http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif, http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif, jami, and I don't care for it.



------------------
This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number thirty-eight on the USA album charts

[darkhorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By mindgames:
It must be a Southern thing, seeing as how http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif, http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif, jami, and I don't care for it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Remember I'm the southest of them all, and I love the show... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



------------------
"I'm a dark horse
Running on a dark race course"

[ImaginePeace78]

I LOVE the Simpsons! It's my all time favorite TV show. I watch it religiously. I catch the new episodes on Sundays and the repeats during the week! I even created my own simpsons page (http://www.geocities.com/lennon4080forever/thesimpsons.html

I have 'Homer's Barbarshop Quartet' on tape, and the Paul McCartney episode. I've seen the one with Ringo. I wonder if John would've agreed to appear in a Simpsons episode. I think he would have love the show.
All You Need Is Love,
Kristi



------------------
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..." ~John Lennon

Kristi's Writing Desk (http://www.geocities.com/lennon4080forever/index.html)

[octopus's garden]

the simpsons rock!

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/alien1.gif - take me to your leader

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By mindgames:
Me neither, so it can't be a generation gap. It must be a Southern thing, seeing as how http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif, http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif, jami, and I don't care for it.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sorry, I forgot you don't have TV's.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
Sorry, I forgot you don't have TV's.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Hahaha!


------------------

[SleepyHead]

But of course we have TV's... we also have very impressionable children, and if I EVER catch any of my daughters pulling one of those "clever" Bart Simpson one-liners, she won't be able to sit down for a month, and all she'll taste when she eats is Ivory soap residue!

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

I don't think Bart was ever caught, was he? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[SleepyHead]

I may be a tad slow on the uptake when it comes to getting lyrics right, but Marge Simpson, I am not... I WILL find out, one way or the other...

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

I guess the down side of today's society, and it really is a shame, is that as much as you shelter your daughters' in keeping them away from bad things, they too will find out one way or another.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By SleepyHead:
I may be a tad slow on the uptake when it comes to getting lyrics right, but Marge Simpson, I am not... I WILL find out, one way or the other...
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey, I think you're cool!!

------------------

[HMVNipper]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By SleepyHead:
But of course we have TV's... we also have very impressionable children, and if I EVER catch any of my daughters pulling one of those "clever" Bart Simpson one-liners, she won't be able to sit down for a month, and all she'll taste when she eats is Ivory soap residue!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I never said I let my SON watch The Simpsons! I'm with you there, Sleepy, I wouldn't want my Jamie to be mouthing off like Bart! Nope, we don't watch it with Jamie around...just as we don't watch a lot of programs we wouldn't want him to see when he's around to see them!



------------------
Rooftop Sessions - The Finest In Beatles-Related Fiction. May 2001 Issue up now! About.com BEST OF THE NET, April 2001! www.rationalmagic.com/Rooftop/Rooftop.html (http://www.rationalmagic.com/Rooftop/Rooftop.html)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By HMVNipper:
Nope, we don't watch it with Jamie around...just as we don't watch a lot of programs we wouldn't want him to see when he's around to see them!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And vice versa. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[bearkat77]

And I think http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif and I are doing the right thing for our girls. NWM, just wait until you have kids of your own. Then you can teach them whatever you want.

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif

Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)

[mindgames]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By SleepyHead:
They will learn that their hearts can break when someone dumps them, or when they have to dump someone, but I won't be the one to dump them.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sounds like a joke for Nowhere Man to me. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



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This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number thirty-eight on the USA album charts

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By bearkat77:
NWM, just wait until you have kids of your own. Then you can teach them whatever you want.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I can't wait to have kids of my own, and when I do I'll be sure to teach them the same way you and Sleepy do. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/smile.gif

[SleepyHead]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
I guess the down side of today's society, and it really is a shame, is that as much as you shelter your daughters' in keeping them away from bad things, they too will find out one way or another. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

They may learn them, but it won't be because I let them, or exposed them to it, or allowed them to be exposed...

They will learn that fire burns, but it will not be because I stuck a lit match to their fingers.

They will learn that their hearts can break when someone dumps them, or when they have to dump someone, but I won't be the one to dump them.

They will learn that there are illegal ways to obtain things, but I won't be giving them the demonstrations.

They will learn that getting drunk can be dangerous, but I won't be pouring it down their throat.

They will learn all sorts of things in their lives that I will not teach them... nor is it my place to do so. My responsibility is to raise healthy, happy girls who will be able to go out and learn things safely, and be capable of making responsible decisions about what they learn.



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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By HMVNipper:
I never said I let my SON watch The Simpsons! I'm with you there, Sleepy, I wouldn't want my Jamie to be mouthing off like Bart! Nope, we don't watch it with Jamie around...just as we don't watch a lot of programs we wouldn't want him to see when he's around to see them!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, Susan, I didn't mean to imply that you let your Jamie watch things that aren't good for him. What I should have said is that the girls are around us constantly... When we wish to engage in activities that are inappropriate for them to observe or take part in (hello, my sex life is private!), we also do so when they aren't around. The Simpson's, however, comes on at a time of day when our younguns are up and around... I gave up Soap Operas long years ago, because you simply cannot watch them at a time of day when the kids aren't liable to wander in...



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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

[**DONOTDELETE**]

DOE RE MI BEER,

by Homer J. Simpson.


DOUGH... the stuff...that buys me beer...

RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...

ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,

FAR..... the distance to my beer

SO...... I think I'll have a beer...

LA...... La la la la la la beer

TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...

That will bring us back to...(Looks into an empty glass)

D'OH!



------------------

[bearkat77]

Very cute rendition there, 4thGenFan. Never quite heard it sung that way. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/laugh2.gif

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif

Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)

Not quite sure that counts as singing. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Maybe he was serenading himself with it. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

------------------

[bearkat77]

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif was singing it over my shoulder. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif

Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)

Speaking of beer... I love that April Fool's episode where Bart shakes up Homer's beer and when he gets it out of the fridge..........!

[Tim]

NWM,
Is the boot still punishment in Oz?
(Bart v Australia)

I miss Troy McClure http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/frown.gif


------------------
Tim
------------
Duchy Of Grand Fenwick

Tim,
Actually, it's been replaced with the Three Kick Rule... refer to my post under 'A Few Clean Laughs'. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[Paul_McCartney2002]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
We just went over this one recently... Ringo. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

sorry, my bad http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif


------------------
" I'm really glad that most of the songs dealt with peace and understanding. There's hardly any one of them that says: 'Go on kids, tell them to sod off, leave your parents.' It's all very 'All you need is love'. There was a good spirit behind it all, which I'm very proud of. Anyway it were a grand thing, The Beatles"
Paul McCartney

[darkhorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Tim:
I miss Troy McClure http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/frown.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Me too! http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/frown.gif I also miss Lionel Hutz and his "I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm!"

By the way, I'm sure all of you who like the Simpsons can remember what is the song sung in the show referenced in the name of this topic. Well that was a great episode... And here are the lyrics to that song:

Homer: You could close down Moe's,
Or the Kwik-E-Mart,
And nobody would care,
But the heart and soul
Of Springfield's in
Our Maison Derriere!

(music starts)

Belle: We're the sauce on your steak,
We're the cheese in your cake,
We put the spring in Springfield.
Dancing Girl 1: We're the lace on the nightgown,
Dancing Girl 2: The point after touchdown,
Belle and Dancing Girls: Yes we put the spring in Springfield.

Belle: We're that little extra spice
That makes existence extra-nice,
A giddy little thrill
At a reasonable price.
Reverend Lovejoy: Our only major quarrel's
With your total lack of morals.
Dancing Girl 3: Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad,
Dancing Girl 4: They seem to entertain your dad!

Belle and Dancing Girls: The gin in your martini,
The clams on your linguine,
Yes we keep the
(Belle flicks Bumblebee Man's antenna)
In Springfield!

Wiggum, Krusty, and Skinner: We remember our first visit,
Mayor Quimby: The service was exquisite!
Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!
Mayor Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!
Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun
Since March of 1961!
Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,
Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney: We just heard this place existed!

Dancing Girls: We're the highlights in your hairdo,
Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu,
Dancing Girls: So don't take the
(Barney opens a Krusty-in-the-box)
Mob: We won't take the
(Sideshow Mel blows on his slide-whistle)
Everyone: Yes let's keep the
(Moe crashes two garbage can lids together)
In Springfield!

Krusty hits his face with a pie, Willy accidentally hits Lenny in the head with a sledgehammer, Wiggum and the Comic Book Guy bounce their bellies together, Burns honks the horn on his antique car, Cap'n MacAllister reels in a fish, and Barney burps.

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



------------------
"I'm a dark horse
Running on a dark race course"

Wonderful, just... wonderful. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[Paul_McCartney2002]

The best song is from the all singing and dancing show "Paint the Wagon" great song, that or the song about the SUV. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

------------------
" I'm really glad that most of the songs dealt with peace and understanding. There's hardly any one of them that says: 'Go on kids, tell them to sod off, leave your parents.' It's all very 'All you need is love'. There was a good spirit behind it all, which I'm very proud of. Anyway it were a grand thing, The Beatles"
Paul McCartney

[darkhorse]

These are the lyrics to "Paint The Wagon":

Clint & Man: Gonna paint our wagon,
Gonna paint it good,
We ain't braggin',
We're gonna coat the wood.
All: They're gonna paint their wagon,
gonna paint it good,
they ain't braggin',
they're gonna coat the wood.

[pause]

Lee: I'm gonna paint this wagon,
I'm gonna paint it fine,
I'm going to use oil-based paint
because this wood is pine.
Women: Ponderosa Pine!


------------------
"I'm a dark horse
Running on a dark race course"

[bearkat77]

Actually, the movie was called "Paint Your Wagon" and starred Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin. And neither could sing their way out of a wet paper bag. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/laugh2.gif

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif

Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)

[This Message Has Been Edited By bearkat77 On May 23, 2001 11:26 PM]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By bearkat77:
And niether could sing their way out of a wet paper bag. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/laugh2.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I bet neither of them could either. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[SleepyHead]

Honey, Clint Eastwood doesn't have to be able to sing! http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/devious.gif

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

I sense someone's gonna get a greater share of the blanket tonight. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[SleepyHead]

"Tonight" has done been and gone, NWM... it is a quarter to 7 in the morning, http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif is rising for the day, and I am winding down for my own sleep time now...

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

I know I just posted a reply, now where in Beatlelinkland is it?!?!

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By SleepyHead:
"Tonight" has done been and gone, NWM... it is a quarter to 7 in the morning, http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif is rising for the day, and I am winding down for my own sleep time now...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So you two never actually get to sleep at the same time? Wow. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/afraid4.gif

Lucky you. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[SleepyHead]

Not often, not really http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/frown.gif Either he has to stay up really late, or I have to try to sleep really early... but I don't usually turn in before 4 am, and he gets up around 6:30 am... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/frown.gif

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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

Sounds like quite a battle to get to Beatlelinks first. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

Seriously though, I hope both your days off coincide or something, so you at least get some time together to, er... well... be together.

[FPSHOT]

I join here for the same hopes you have time left to spend some quality time together.

------------------
"You're killing me George, you've got me crying, you bugger" - Ringo's 1st reaction hearing George's recorded solo for King of broken hearts and 2 guitar lines for I'll be fine anyway, Dec. 1997

[SleepyHead]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
Sounds like quite a battle to get to Beatlelinks first. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

Seriously though, I hope both your days off coincide or something, so you at least get some time together to, er... well... be together.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, certainly we have some time off together... between 2am Sunday morning and 6:30 am Monday morning... except for those long hours when I'm asleep trying to recover from 2 back-to-back 11 hour shifts... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/frown.gif


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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

[SleepyHead]

And then of course, you have to subtract half that time for editing double posts...


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http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif
In Memory Of Robby (http://inmemoryofrobby.50megs.com)
Our Lady's Psalter (http://ourladyspsalter.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)
Bearkat77's Tribute to John Lennon (http://bearkatjl.50megs.com)

[This Message Has Been Edited By SleepyHead On May 23, 2001 05:30 AM]

This must certainly get you down at times and stress you out quite a bit, obviously you have to look after the kids a lot too... I'm not sure if I could handle all that, which is exactly why I plan to win the lottery and retire early.

[FPSHOT]

for when have you planned that ?

------------------
"You're killing me George, you've got me crying, you bugger" - Ringo's 1st reaction hearing George's recorded solo for King of broken hearts and 2 guitar lines for I'll be fine anyway, Dec. 1997

Any year now... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/thumbsup.gif

[FPSHOT]

Than it is good for both of us that we don't play the same lottery.

Actually, I had 300% profit on a lottery ticket just yesterday.

------------------
"You're killing me George, you've got me crying, you bugger" - Ringo's 1st reaction hearing George's recorded solo for King of broken hearts and 2 guitar lines for I'll be fine anyway, Dec. 1997

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By FPSHOT:


Actually, I had 300% profit on a lottery ticket just yesterday.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You won $6? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"It's easy to forget about Canadia, all tucked away down there." -Homer Simpson

------------------
6 weeks, 3 days...

[applenathy]

I love the Simpsons, mindgames doesn't. So, when he's around, I just have to ignore the burning urge to watch it and go to another burning urge... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/eyebrows.gif

------------------
"Possession is nine-tenths of the problem."-Dr. Winston O'Boogie

You turn the flamethrower on him? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/eyebrows.gif (where's that flamethrower smiley when you need it)

[darkhorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By applenathy:
I love the Simpsons, mindgames doesn't.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I knew you were the smart one in that couple... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



------------------
"I'm a dark horse
Running on a dark race course"

[beatlemethisbeatlemethat]

i've been a Simpsons fan since day one http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif I still an't believe it's been on this long. My fav line is Ralph Wiggims "My cat's breath smells like cat food" lol he's soo adorable.

------------------
Peace, ;heart; and Beatles,
Stefanie

Beatle Me This, Beatle Me That (http://www.beatlemethisbeatlemethat.com/)

//0-0\\//0-0\\//0-0\\
"After all is said and done, you can't go pleasing everyone, so screw it"
--John Lennon

There are so many good ones, one of my favs is Homer at his brilliant best, trying to operate a computer:

"To start press any key. Where's the 'any' key?" http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/thinker.gif

[HMVNipper]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By SleepyHead:
Oh, Susan, I didn't mean to imply that you let your Jamie watch things that aren't good for him. What I should have said is that the girls are around us constantly... When we wish to engage in activities that are inappropriate for them to observe or take part in (hello, my sex life is private!), we also do so when they aren't around. The Simpson's, however, comes on at a time of day when our younguns are up and around... I gave up Soap Operas long years ago, because you simply cannot watch them at a time of day when the kids aren't liable to wander in...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh yeah, Sleepy! I know exactly what you mean! And I agree re soaps and other inappropriate programs...I never thought you were implying that I'd let Jamie watch inappropriate programs, btw...nope, he's at an age where he watches educational television and cartoons that we deem appropriate -- and the Simpsons are NOT on that list, for sure!

And I agree, Kat, you and Sleepy are doing the best by your girls by enforcing those kinds of rules, just as I hope my husband and I are doing for Jamie!

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/bouncing2.gif

------------------
Rooftop Sessions - The Finest In Beatles-Related Fiction. May 2001 Issue up now! About.com BEST OF THE NET, April 2001! www.rationalmagic.com/Rooftop/Rooftop.html (http://www.rationalmagic.com/Rooftop/Rooftop.html)

[mindgames]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By darkhorse:
I knew you were the smart one in that couple... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

She may be the smart one, but I'm the one with the keys to her chastity belt.

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



------------------
This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number twenty-four on the USA album charts. "Wingspan: Hits and History" by Paul McCartney is at number two.

[mindgames]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
You turn the flamethrower on him? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/eyebrows.gif (where's that flamethrower smiley when you need it)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, it feels like a flamethrower, kind of.



------------------
This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number twenty-four on the USA album charts. "Wingspan: Hits and History" by Paul McCartney is at number two.

Feelin' hot hot hot. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/eyebrows.gif

[bearkat77]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By HMVNipper:
And I agree, Kat, you and Sleepy are doing the best by your girls by enforcing those kinds of rules, just as I hope my husband and I are doing for Jamie!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks, and I'm sure you two will do a fine job too.

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif

Bearkat77's Beatlemaniac Page (http://bearkat77.www9.50megs.com)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By HMVNipper:
And I agree, Kat, you and Sleepy are doing the best by your girls by enforcing those kinds of rules, just as I hope my husband and I are doing for Jami!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Jami's your daughter??? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/afraid4.gif http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/afraid1.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Mrs. Hoover, there's a dog in the vent!" -Ralph Wiggum

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Mrs. Hoover: "Ralph, go to sleep."

Ralph: "Yay, that's where I'm a viking!"

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"What's a battle??" -RW

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

(big flood and Ralph's bed floats down in front of the Simpsons' home)

"I think I wet the bed!"

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!" - RW

"Ms. Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder." - RW

Ralph: Ms. Hoover, I don't have a red crayon.
Hoover: Why not Ralph?
Ralph: I ate it.

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph: I'm a boy!
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Ms. Hoover's class is taking a quiz...
Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens.

FLANDERS: Ralph, you're gonna be on special teams
RALPH: I'm special

CHALMERS: Are these children as smart as they look?
PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Well, let's pick one at random... ummmm how about that one?
CHALMERS: You mean this boy here?
SKINNER: Nooo! Lisa Simpson
CHALMERS: When was the Battle of New Orleans?
LISA: January 8th, 1815. Two weeks after the war ended
CHALMERS: First rate
RALPH: What's a battle?

[Gotta love it! http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Grandpa Simpson: "My son is not a Communist! He may be a pig, a liar, an idiot, a communist; but he is NOT a pornstar!"

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[This Message Has Been Edited By 4thGenFan On May 25, 2001 01:48 AM]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one
crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!
-- Homer

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Here are your messages:
"You have 30 minutes to move your car", "You have 10 minutes",
"Your car has been impounded", "Your car has been crushed into a cube",
"You have 30 minutes to move your cube".
-- Homer

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Waylon."
Oh... So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon is it? Listen
to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes, and shove 'em down
your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use
your tongue to paint my boat!
-- Mr. Burns and Moe

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Moe's Tavern ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron
with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.
-- Moe

------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[jami]

Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
Jami's your daughter???

You love changing things around, don't you?



------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/flower.gif

[jami]

What's the deal with all of the double posting around here lately??

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/flower.gif

[This Message Has Been Edited By jami On May 25, 2001 06:37 AM]

[mindgames]

Operator Error.

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/teeth1.gif

------------------
This week, the Beatles greatest hits album, "1", is at number twenty-four on the USA album charts. "Wingspan: Hits and History" by Paul McCartney is at number two.

[darkhorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By 4thGenFan:
Grandpa Simpson: "My son is not a Communist! He may be a pig, a liar, an idiot, a communist; but he is NOT a pornstar!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/laugh2.gif That's one of my favorites. Here's another one: Kearney trying to make Milhouse better about the divorce of his parents:
Kearney: Ah, you'll do fine. My divorce was tough on my kid, but he got over it.
[sits back to reveal a miniature doppelganger]
Kid: I sleep in a drawer!




------------------
"I'm a dark horse
Running on a dark race course"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer: "Are you saying that you'll never eat meat again? What about bacon?"
Lisa: "No."
Homer: "Ham?"
Lisa: "No!"
Homer: "Pork chops?"
Lisa: "Dad, those all come from the same animal!"
Homer: "Heh, heh, heh... yeah.. right, Lisa. A wonderful magical animal."



------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer: "Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. Barts a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that building... thingie... where our beds and TV... is."



------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer's brain: "Use reverse psychology."
Homer: "Oh, that sounds too complicated."
Homer's brain: "Okay, don't use reverse psychology."
Homer: "Okay, I will!"



------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!


------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

High school Barney: Hey, Homer, you're late for English!
High school Homer: Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.


------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Lisa: I'll stop buying Malibu Stacey clothing.
Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up.
Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
Lisa: But he didn't do anything!
Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he?


------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can get some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.


------------------
6 weeks, 1 day...

[JacarandaJac]

Our Liverpool kids must be made of tougher stuff - my kids love The Simpsons, but they also know what words & phrases are bad & they're not to repeat - and I must say, its all pretty tame stuff IMHO - now I WOULDNT let them watch "Backbeat"....

------------------

Homer: Operator, give me the number for 9-1-1!

Homer: I want to share something with you - The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Homer: Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.

Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Uh... Somewhere in the back.

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

God: Thou hast forsaken My Church!
Homer: Uh, kind-of... b-but...
God: But what!
Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
God: [pause] Hmm... You've got a point there.

Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.

[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]
Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: Huh -- wha -- Lisa! What's up?
Lisa: I just had a bad dream!
Homer: Oh, sure. You just lie down and tell me all about it.
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after me, and he's hiding under --
Homer: Aah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun! [Homer runs into Bart's room]
Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!
Bart: Ahhhhhhh!

Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, goodnight.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" HOMER



------------------
5 weeks exactly!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the
first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect
just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze
everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything
more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign.
OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of
cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." HOMER


------------------
5 weeks exactly!

[This Message Has Been Edited By 4thGenFan On May 25, 2001 11:39 PM]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES." HOMER


------------------
5 weeks exactly!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." HOMER


------------------
5 weeks exactly!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day." HOMER



------------------
5 weeks exactly!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
HOMER of course

------------------
5 weeks exactly!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? R U Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
HOMER

------------------
5 weeks exactly!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)


------------------
5 weeks exactly!

Homer: "This elephant is costing us far too much money. It's coming out of YOUR allowance!"
Bart: "Well you'll have to raise my allowance to about a thousand dollars a week."
Homer: "Then that's what I'll DO smart guy!"

Cheif Wiggum: "Here we have the legendary two headed dog... born with only ONE head!"

Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to REDUCE my boredom.

Homer: Aw, Dad. You've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man now, and old people are useless.

Homer: Don't worry, Marge. America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe, but you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

Marge: I came to see you three times today. Twice you were sleeping, and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around!
Homer: Well! I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. I'm going to go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba... [gets into bed] Eh, good-night.

Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor!
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.

[Homer playing black-jack, or 21]...
Dealer: 19.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 20.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 21.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 22.
Homer: D'oh!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Officer: Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hellhole" when you could have said, "peepee-soaked heckhole."


------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

hmmm. . . eternal happiness for one dollar? I'd rather keep the dollar.
- Burns

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Bart: "This sucks!"
Marge: "Where did you learn to talk like that!?"
Homer: "That's the suckiest suck that ever sucked!"

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

He insulted me! He called me chief Piggum....oh wait now I get it ha ha ha!
- Cheif Wiggum

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Smithers: "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns: "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"


------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

HOMER:"Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers."

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such." HOMER

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By 4thGenFan:
- Cheif Wiggum

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/mrt.gif

Grandpa: At my age, Death is waiting at every corner... aaah! Death!

Lisa: That's Maggie.

Grandpa: Oh, sorry, as I was saying... AAAH! Death!

Lisa: That's Snowball.

Grandpa: Oh, sorry, AAAH! Death!

Lisa: That's Maggie again.

Bart: Hey, Apu, this bag has a head in it.
Apu: Oooh! A head bag! Those are chock full of (pause) heady goodness.

(Homer's trying to write a song)
Homer: "Baby on board, something something Burt Ward... hey, this stuff writes itself!"

Mr. Burns: "We don't have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair union contract..."
Homer (to his brain): Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Mr. Burns: "...and if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."
Homer (to his brain): Wait a minute...is he coming on to me?
Mr. Burns: "After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows."
(Mr. Burns gives out a friendly laugh)
Homer (to his brain): Ahhh!
Homer: "Sorry Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!"

(Homer finds some glasses in the toilet, puts them on, and thinks he's real smart) Homer: "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triange is equal to the square root of the remaining side."
Some unseen guy at a different part of the bathroom: "That's a right triangle yaidiot!"
Homer: "D'oh!"

Homer: "And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus."
Marge: "While you were out "earning" that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday."
Homer: "Woo hoo! A four-day weekend."

Does anyone else read these besides you and I?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By 4thGenFan:

- Cheif Wiggum

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


It's not my fault, I cut 'n pasted it!


------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
Does anyone else read these besides you and I?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You mean you and me? Tsk tsk. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/tongue.gif

And frankly, I doubt it.



------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

at a baseball game: "Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right- no, the duty- to make a complete ass of myself." Homer


------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Upon seeing Mayor Quimby in an electric chair: "He's gonna smell like hot dogs." Ralph Wiggum

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Standing outside of 'Stoner's Pot Palace', a kitchen store: "Man, that is flagrant false advertising!" Otto



------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By 4thGenFan:
It's not my fault, I cut 'n pasted it!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That'll teach ya. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/nono.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Remember when your dog ate my goldfish and you lied to me and said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?" Milhouse

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By 4thGenFan:
It's not my fault, I cut 'n pasted it!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That also proves you don't read these. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/afraid4.gif http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Moe: "Don't steal any beer while I'm gone, Barn."
Barney: "What kind of pathetic drunk do you think I am? Oh, someone's spilled some beer in this ashtray." (drinks it)


------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
That also proves you don't read these. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/afraid4.gif http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ok, I read YOURS, not my OWN. Doesn't that make you feel special? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

More special than Ralph Wiggum. http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/grin.gif

[darkhorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Nowhere Man:
Does anyone else read these besides you and I?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I do. It's only that I can't post more Simpson quotes since the ones I know are in Spanish... Plus I opened the topic and still laugh out loud reading those dialogues... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/smile.gif



------------------
"You either kiss the future or the past goodbye
We could fly so high..."

[Beatleicious]

I read them sometimes. I love the Simpsons! http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/grin.gif

------------------
"I'm really glad that most of our songs were about love, peace and understanding."

-Paul McCartney

[**DONOTDELETE**]

So you guys want more then?

------------------
4 weeks, 6 days

http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/psycho.gif

[darkhorse]

What on Earth does that mean? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/shocked.gif

------------------
"You either kiss the future or the past goodbye
We could fly so high..."

[Beatleicious]

Are you sure you want to find out? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif

------------------
"I'm really glad that most of our songs were about love, peace and understanding."

-Paul McCartney

[MaccaGirl]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By mindgames:
it can't be a generation gap. It must be a Southern thing, seeing as how http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/cat.gif, http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/sleep2.gif, jami, and I don't care for it.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I think it's just a matter of taste. I'm in Colorado and I can't stand it on a regular basis. I liked the one with Paul and Linda but I don't think location has anything to do with it. And as for the generation thing, I'm 12 going on 13 so that's not it either.



------------------
It Takes one to know one ~Linda McCartney
Listen to her daddy's song, making love is wrong~ Back Seat of My Car
Venus and Mars are alright tonight!!!

[darkhorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Sans-Serif">Quote:</font><HR>Originally Posted By Beatleicious:
Are you sure you want to find out? http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Not really. Sometimes it's better to stay in ignorance... http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/images/icons/wink.gif



------------------
"You either kiss the future or the past goodbye
We could fly so high..."

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer: Look, Marge, I found a dollar & you said I wouldn't make any money today.

Marge: Well, while you were out EARNING that dollar, you lost FORTY dollars at work. The plant called today and said, "If you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday."

Homer: WOOHOO! Four day weekend!



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

1st Beekeeper: No noise suggest no bees.

*Both see bee flying away.*

2nd Beekeeper: To the BEE MOBIL!

1st Beekeeper: You mean your Chevy?

2nd Beekeeper (hangs head): Yes.



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

*The beekeepers follow bee to Homer. His sugar pile is COVERED in bees.*

1st Beekeeper: Aah, very clever. You lure our bees away from us & sell them back at an inflated price.

2nd Beekeeper: You devil.

Homer: The bees are on the what now?



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

TV: It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

Homer: I told you LAST night, NO!!

*a few seconds later*

Homer: I wonder where Bart is. His dinner's getting all cold ... and eaten.



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

Moe: Hello Moe's Tavern
Bart: Is Hugh there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Hugh, Last Name Jass
Moe: Hold on (calling out) Hugh Jass! Hey, guys I'm looking for a Hugh Jass!

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/king2.gif

Homer: I saw this move about a bus that had to Speed around a city, keeping its Speed over fifty, and if its Speed dropped it would explode! I think it was called... "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down".

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/king2.gif

Marge: Homie, are you really going to ignore Grandpa for the rest of your life?
Homer: Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of his life.

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/king2.gif

Homer: I saw this move about a bus that had to Speed around a city, keeping its Speed over fifty, and if its Speed dropped it would explode! I think it was called... "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down".

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/king2.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

MARGE: Have you noticed something different about Bart?
HOMER: New glasses?
MARGE: No. He looks like something may be troubling him.
HOMER: Probably misses his old glasses.
MARGE: I'd think that we should get more involved in his activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
HOMER: Yeah, and then they'd give us the chair.
MARGE: That's not what I meant.
HOMER: It was Marge, admit it.



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

SKINNER: That's two independant thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
WILLIE: I warned ye! Didn't I warn ye? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself!



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

LEONARD NIMOY: Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. They're all lies, but they're entertaining lies, and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer, is no.



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Marge: Homer, did you tell the mafia they could eliminate my competition with savage beatings and attempted murder?!
Homer: In those words...yes.



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[darkhorse]

Guide: Welcome to the Springfield Shopper, established in 1883. The newspaper was founded by Johnny Newspaperseed, a 14 year-old boy who roamed America founding newspapers.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he's dead?


------------------
"It's all been done before"

[darkhorse]

(Kids at the focus group)

Man: You each have a knob in front of you.
When you like what you see, turn the knob to the right. When you don't like what you see, turn it left.
Ralph: [knob in mouth] My knob tastes funny.
Man: Please refrain from tasting the knob.


------------------
"It's all been done before"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Smokey the Bear: Only who can prevent forest fires? You pressed 'you', reffering to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is 'you'.

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Jimbo: Nice PJ's, Simpson! Did your mommy buy them for you?

Bart: Of course she did. Who else would?

Jimbo:....You've won this round, Simpson....



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

WILLIE: When you're alone and life is gettin' you lonely Ye can always goo...ACH!...DOON TOON!

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Reporter: Apu, is the rumour true that you're actually Indian?

Apu : By the gods of Vishnu, that is a lie!



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Pepe : Your the best dad Papa Homer.

Homer: Your the best son Pepsi.

Pepe : Pepe.

Homer: Pepe.



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer: Gambling's ok, it says so in the Bible.

Lisa: Where?

Homer: Somewhere in the back.

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[This Message Has Been Edited By 4thGenFan On August 30, 2001 10:20 PM]

Smithers: "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre."
Mr.Burns: "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/king2.gif

Lisa: "Dad, we did something very bad!"
Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"
Bart: "No."
Homer: "Did you raise the dead?"
Lisa: "Yes."
Homer: "But the car's okay?"
Bart and Lisa: "Uh-huh."
Homer: "All right then."


------------------
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Drill Sergeant: "Look soldier, you don't like me, and I don't like you."
Homer: "I like you."
Drill Sergeant: "Well, I don't like you."
Homer: "Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me better"

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Mr. Burns: "Smithers... [sniff, sniff] Do you think maybe the... power plant killed those ducks?"
Mr. Smithers: "No 'maybe' about it sir..."
Mr. Burns: "[Sniff]... excellent."

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Mayor Quimby: We will now hear suggestions for the, uh, disbursement of the, uh, two million dollars.
Lisa: Don't you mean three million dollars?
Mayor Quimby: Of course. How silly of me.

------------------
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Woman: This plant violates every labour law in the book. We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
Mr Burns: That plane crashed on my property.


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Scientist: People, we're in danger of losing our funding. America isn't interested in space exploration any more.
Another Scientist: Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret - that all the chimps we sent into space came back super-intelligent.
Chimp: No, I don't think we'll be telling them that.


------------------
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Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern birthplace of the Rob Ray.
Bart: Is Seymore there? Last name, Butts.
Moe: Just a sec. (calling out) Hey, is there a Butts here? Seymore Butts? Hey, everybody. I wanna Seymore Butts!
Moe: (catching on) Hey, wait a minute. Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket. When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew.

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(Moe answers the phone atthe bar.)
Moe: Hey, just a sec, I'll check.
(to everyone) Amanda Huggenkiss. Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!
Moe: You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!


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Mr. Burns [calling Moe's Tavern]: I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Waylon.
Moe: Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!


------------------
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[beatlejes]

Homer: "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

------------------
peace '_'

[beatlejes]

Mr. Burns, on The Beatles: "Oh, yes. I seem to remember their off-key caterwauling on the old Sullivan show. What was Ed thinking?"

------------------
peace '_'

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"When I grow up, I either want to be a principal...or a caterpillar!" Ralph Wiggum

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

Homer: "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."


------------------
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Homer: "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

------------------
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[darkhorse]

Broker: "Homer, you knuckle-beak, I told you a hundred times: you've got to sell your pumpkin futures before Halloween! Before!"
Homer: "All right, let's not panic: I'll make the money back by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one."


------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[darkhorse]

Moe: "Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need. However, since you have no collateral, I'm going to have to break your legs in advance."
Homer: "Gosh, Moe, I use these all the time. Couldn't you just bash my head in?"
Moe: "Hey, hey: are you a loan shark? Do you understand how finance works?"

------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[darkhorse]

Skinner: "Blast it, woman! You parked too close. Move your car!"
Krabappel: "I'm in the lines! You got a problem, go tell your Mama."
Skinner: "Oh, don't worry: she'll hear about this."


------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[darkhorse]

Man: "Look, Mr. Burns: we want to see some changes. For starters, you can reverse your sexist employment policies, and hire at least one woman."
Burns: "All right...I'll bring in a woman. But I still stand by my hiring policies.
[A quacking duck in a hardhat pulls a wagon in]Get back to work, Stuart!"


------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Man: You must be stupider than you look.
Homer: Stupider like a fox!

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

TV Announcer: The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Homer: Mmm... Beer.

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Bart: Wow, Dad you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
Homer: Oh, Bartholomew. I feel like St. Augustine of hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan
Ned: What was that?
Homer: Screw you Flanders



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer: I want everyone to know that this is Ned Flanders... my friend!
Lenny: What did he say?
Carl: I dunno. Somethin' about being gay


------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer Saying Mmm...

mmm... marshmallows

mmm... cupcakes

mmm... chocolate, ooh double chocolate, (gasp) new flavor... Triple Chocolate

mmm... beer

mmm... ooh Maca-ma-damia nuts

mmm... spaghetti

mmm... salty

mmm... Land of Chocolate

mmm... hog fat

mmm... ham

mmm... organized crime

mmm... nuts

mmm... delicious

mmm... 64 slices of American Cheese

mmm... mediciney

mmm... free wig

mmm... sacrilicious

mmm... open-faced club sandwich

mmm... pointy

mmm... marge



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

Bart's opening chalk-board lines:

I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
No one is interested in my underpants.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I will never win an emmy.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
I am not deliciously saucy.
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
I will not waste chalk.
I will not skateboard in the halls.
Underwear should be worn on the inside.
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.

------------------
http://www.beatlelinks.net/ubb/smilies/king2.gif

Homer: "Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close."

------------------
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(sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)

Homer [while driving]: "Simpson - Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the - town of Springfield - he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!"

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Homer [to aliens who abducted Simpson family]: "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."

------------------
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Homer: "Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."

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[**DONOTDELETE**]

More Mmmmmmmmmmm's..........


Mmm... Hors d'oeuvers

mmm... Pancakes (with strawberries and syrup!!)

mmm... money

mmm... barbecue

mmm... purple

mmm... Sprinkles

mmm... Crumbled up cookie things

mmm... strained peas

mmm... Donuts

mmm... Fattening

mmm... burger

mmm... Shrimp

mmm... forbidden donut

mmm... invisible cola

mmm... Candy

mmm... free goo

mmm... something

mmm... urinal fresh

mmm... beer nuts

mmm... unprocessed fish sticks



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Chief Wiggum: Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hellhole" when you could have said, "peepee-soaked heckhole."


------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer: How much does this job pay?
Lenny: Nothin'
Homer: D'oh!
Lenny: Unless you're crooked.
Homer: Woohoo!



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Homer: (Singing)Yvan eht nioj
Lisa: Yvan eht nioj. What does that mean?
Homer: Oh honey, it's just one of those non-sensical verses like "ram-a-lama ding dong", or "Give pease a chance."



------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Apu : It may not be glamarous, but it's good, honest work.
Lady : How much is this milk?
Apu : Twelve dollars

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Abe Simpson: We're free! We're free! We can go anywhere we want! (Pause. Nobody moves or says a word.) I'm cold and frightened.


------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such:
-films as "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" and "Dial 'M' for Murderousness".
-films as "'P' is for Psycho" and "The President's Neck is Missing".
-films as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Gladys, the Groovy Mule".
-films as "The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed" and "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall".
-Fox Network Specials as "Alien Nose Job" and "The Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show".*
-self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!".*
-nature films as "Earwigs: Ewwww" and "Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory".
-automated information kiosks as "Welcome to Springfield Airport" and "Where's Nordstrom?".
-such medical films as "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore" and "Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?".
-public service videos as "Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds" and "Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness".
-instructional videos as "Mothballing Your Battleship" and "Dig Your Own Grave and Save".
-TV spinoffs as "Son of Sanford and Son" and "After Mannix".
-educational films as "Lead Paint, Delicious but Deadly" and "Here Comes the Metric System".
-driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot".
-cartoons as "Christmas Ape" and "Christmas Ape goes to Summer Camp".
-telethons as "Out With Gout '88" and "Let's Save Tony Orlando's House".
-celebrity funerals as "Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye" and "Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn A Stooge".

------------------
"If not for you my sky would fall, rain would gather too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all, I'd be lost if not for you"

Homer: Yes, honey... just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.

------------------
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Homer: OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!

------------------
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Homer: Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.

------------------
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Homer: Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!

------------------
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Homer: They have the Internet on computers now?

------------------
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Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

------------------
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[darkhorse]

Marge: "Homer, you didn't tell me Mr. Burns went broke and lost the nuclear power plant!"
Homer: "Now I can't remember every little thing that happens in my day."
Marge: "You told me about that candy bar you found three times."
Bart: "You found a candy bar?"
Homer: "Oh yes. Gather around, my son, and I shall tell you a tale."


------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[darkhorse]

Mr.Burns: "I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue."


------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[darkhorse]

Mr. Burns: "Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash!"
Smithers: "Um, well... sir, it happened twenty five years before I was born."
Burns: "Oh, that's your excuse for everything!"


------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[darkhorse]

Mrs. L: "Heh heh, Ned Flanders is on the phone."
Lovejoy: [groans] "Mmm...hello, Ned."
Ned: [breathless "Reverend... emergency! I -- it's the Simpson kids -- eedily -- I, uh, baptism -- oodily -- uh -- doodily doodily!"
Lovejoy: "Ned... have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same."

------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

[darkhorse]

Chester J.Lampwick: He (Roger Myers) didn't create Itchy - I did.
Bart: Huh?
Chester: He stole the character from me in 1928. When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office, and dropped an anvil on me. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time.


------------------
"A mind that wants to wander 'round a corner
Is an unwise mind"

Homer: If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!


------------------
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Homer: Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.

------------------
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Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

------------------
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Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

------------------
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Homer: English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

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[ImaginePeace78]

I don't know if I have these quotes are correct, but here it goes: (The Simpsons is my favorite TV show, great topic!)

Homer (heading to ticket booth for the (Duff Brewry or was it a carnival? He's trying to get in for free): "I'm a Vietnam Vet. I saw my buddies die out there! I saw..."
Marge: "Oh, Homer, just pay the fifty cents!"

Bart: "Skinner is a nut, he has a rubber butt."
Principal Skinner: "Young man, I can assure my butt is made of flesh, bone and that metal plate I recieved in 'Nam."

Nelson: "From now on, I run this town." Pauses... "Carry on!"

Homer and Marge are at a store called, "Books! Books! and additional Books!
Marge: I don't want anyone knowing we're looking here." (books about marital/sexual problems) Bart and Lisa walk by. Homer and Marge quickly find other books.
Lisa: "Look what we found! I'm getting the newest Al Gore book."
Marge: "Uh, I'm reading about...artillary." (Marge has a book about the Third Reich).
Homer: "And I'm read...Ahhh!" He realizes it was a sex book (the cover had someone's butt on the front of it).

Homer: "Ahhh, beer, a temporary solution."

Principal Skinner: "All my dreams involve me combing my hair!" (young Skinner as a 'no good street punk).'

I'll think of more later on...
-Kristi


------------------
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..." ~John Lennon

Kristi's Writing Desk (http://www.geocities.com/lennon4080forever/index.html)

Bart: "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures."

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Bart: "What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?"

------------------
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Bart: "I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress."

------------------
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Bart: "What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."

------------------
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Bart: "There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."

------------------
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Bart: "No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am."

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